your-authentic-personality

Are You the Victim of Personality Discrimination?

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:34:18 GMT

January 14, 2025

Are You the Victim of Personality Discrimination?

What do you think about your mom type? Do you like it? If you don’t know it yet, you can take the 9 question Mom Quiz now.

Some moms love their type, others, however, don’t.

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Maybe you’ve been a behind-the-scenes woman all your life (Stabilizer or Improver), but wish you were more lively and outgoing. Or maybe you feel like you’re too talkative and silly (Connecter) or too honest and direct (Doer), and you wish you could be different. Perhaps you prefer solitude and silence, but then feel guilty because you’re not more social. It seems that the grass is often greener on the other side of the personality fence.

I was there once, actually I’ve been there many times. In fact, just last week I was at a friend’s house thinking, Man, (because I grew up in the 1970s and still say stuff like that) I wish I could entertain like her. I wish I had that flair for hospitality that she has. I wish I actually liked to cook enough to have people over for dinner. But alas, I do not.

SLICE BIAS

It is fairly common to wish you were someone other than who you really are. We are a culture that constantly compares ourselves to others, so we end up feeling “less than” and start looking for an alternate personality. We beat ourselves up for our weaknesses. We resent our shortcomings. We wish we could share in the gifting of others, possessing what they have, because we are secretly dazzled by their talents.

When we become blinded by the brilliance of other types and lose sight of our own beauty, we develop what I call a slice bias.

What’s a slice bias?

A slice bias is a tendency to prefer one slice of the pie over another slice. It’s a fondness for one personality type and a disregard for another. Slice bias is based on elevating one set of traits over another, acknowledging the benefits of some characteristics, but not others. It’s picking personality favorites.

DISCRIMINATION IN BOOKS

I see it all the time in personality books. The very tool that you’d expect to be a sanctuary for all types is more often a pep talk for extroverts and a lecture for introverts. Authors applaud personalities that are large and loud and underestimate the value of the quieter types. Susan Cain, hailed for making introversion the “new black,” says this in her book, Quiet:

Introversion—along with its cousins sensitivity, seriousness, and shyness—is now a second-class personality trait, somewhere between a disappointment and a pathology. Introverts living in the Extrovert Ideal are like women in a man’s world, discounted because of a trait that goes to the core of who they are.

DISCRIMINATION IN CHURCH

I also see a slice bias in the church, where women have historically been pressured to operate as grown-up versions of “sugar and spice and everything nice.” It seems like our religious institutions prefer that we conform to a man-made image (theirs) rather than the one we were originally intended to have (God’s).

Missie, a mom of two, says, “The message I hear at church is that Christian mothers should be pleasant, well-mannered, quiet, and obedient. That’s our box and we should all fit in it. I’ve never been encouraged to live uniquely or be myself, if those qualities don’t fit in the box.”

Women at church are often socialized to display the feminine qualities of people-oriented types (Connecters and Stabilizers) such as softness, hospitality, and caregiving, while moms who are naturally direct, assertive, and task-oriented (Improvers and Doers) are encouraged to tone it down.

“I’m not talking about lighting my hair on fire and pounding shots of tequila,” says Missie (although that sounds pretty fun to me), “but I’d love to feel more freedom at church to express who I am.”

Me too, Missie. Me, too.

PERSONALITY EQUITY

Regardless of who squelches your inner you—your own inner critic, the culture you live in, or the people in your church—remember that God has already spoken in the way He designed your slice.

He created your inmost being.

He knit you together in your mother’s womb.

Your slice has been fearfully and wonderfully made.

Please don’t minimize your design. Can you imagine how much that would grieve the heart of God? Your slice matters. Your slice is needed in the whole pie.

If you find yourself discriminating on the basis of personality, pray and ask God to help you see yourself the way He does, embracing the value of your design and the reflection of His image that He has gifted you to display.

Breaking the Double Bind: Empowering Women Leaders in the Workplace

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:34:11 GMT

January 14, 2025

Breaking the Double Bind: Empowering Women Leaders in the Workplace

Let’s be honest, it’s hard to achieve balance when it comes to female assertiveness.

When you speak up or vie for a promotion, you’re looked upon as aggressive.

When you show compassion or demonstrate emotion, you’re risking a loss of respect.

If you’re too likable, you’re seen as personable but not powerful.

If you’re too authoritative, you’re seen as cold and lacking warmth.

This is the double bind that women in the workforce face: you’re either too soft, too tough, but rarely just right.

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DOUBLE BIND

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The term double bind, first coined in 1956 by a British anthropologist, refers to a situation in which any choice you make penalizes you in some way.

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Sally, an IT senior director and client of mine, routinely received excellent feedback from her direct reports for her caring nature and collaborative approach. But her new boss saw her relational skills as a weakness, discounting her influence and insisting she become more formal in her approach. Sally’s efforts to be more of the leader he wanted her to be–distant and authoritative–never met his standards and eventually she was reorganized out of the company.

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Sally was caught in the damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don’t scenario. No matter what she did, to be herself or what others wanted her to be, she was criticized for it.

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TRESEMME STUDY

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In 2022 TreSemme, the beauty company, together with The Representation Project, a global nonprofit promoting gender justice, polled 2000 women ages 19-65 to explore the double bind experience and analyze the conflicting messages women face today.*

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The survey found that 68% of American women have experienced double binds most commonly in their careers but also at school, at home, and on social media.

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What struck me was the effect that double binds have had on women. According to the report, women questioned themselves more, became quieter and less vocal, felt exhausted (80%) and like they would never be enough (64%).

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The pressure to be all things to all people is a common one for women. In my survey of over 1,150 professionals, most of them women, I asked “How often do you feel like you need to be all things to all people?” Their answer: 73% of the time.

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PERSONALITY

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As a Behavioral Consultant and Trainer in DISC Personality Profiles, I can tell you that it is not natural to be what the double bind pressures you to be: assertive and collaborative, analytical and influential, or decisive and diplomatic all at the same time. In fact, if you are, you’re probably wearing a personality mask . The truth is, all people come wired with a specific set of strengths aligned either with kindness or competence, but not both.

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WHAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT THE DOUBLE BIND

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1. Know your leadership style . Are you naturally wired to lead with competence or kindness? The personality types with a task priority lead with competence and those with a relational priority lead with kindness. This one insight can give you the confidence needed to be who you are designed to be and contribute your innate strengths.

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2. Call out the elephant in the room. In a Wall Street Journal article , Sheryl Sandberg tells the story of a freelance film director who started her salary negotiation by acknowledging the bias. “I just want to say up front that I’m going to negotiate, and the research shows that you’re going to like me less when I do.” Advocating for one’s worth and value is seen as a competence trait that makes women seem too aggressive and less likable, so calling out the double bind before it could be used against her, this savvy director leveled the playing ground and challenged her interviewers to see in a more positive light.

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3. Supplement your style. Unconscious rapport is initially dependent on the degree to which you are like another person. People like similarities, so supplement your style to give everyone something to like and appreciate.

If you lead with a naturally task-based type ( Improver or Doer ), supplement your style with warmth cues. For example, ask more questions, tell more stories, tilt your head when others speak and smile.

If you lead with a naturally people-based type ( Connecter or Stabilizer ), supplement your style with competence cues. Take up space, use power moves, and reference statistics and data. Make sure to ditch over-apologizing and watch for diminishing language like “just” and “actually”.

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Affirm your unique style and strengths as a female leader. Boldly call out judgment and bias, and celebrate the invaluable perspectives you bring to the table. Together, let's champion diversity in leadership, recognizing and uplifting the distinct qualities women contribute. Embrace and advocate for the richness of your individuality.

www.YourAuthenticPersonality.com

Doer Women of The Bible

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:34:04 GMT

January 14, 2025

Doer Women of The Bible

Who is the first female Doer you think of in the Bible?

MARTHA

Did Martha come to mind?

It seems every Bible teacher on earth has preached a sermon about Martha’s propensity for doing versus Mary’s choice for being. Mary is always the good girl because she sat at Jesus’ feet while Martha is the bad girl because she “was very busy and distracted with all of her serving responsibilities.” But in defense of Martha, I agree with Emily P. Freeman who said Martha valued Jesus’ company in the way she knew how (Grace for the Good Girl). In true Doer form, Martha loved Jesus by what she did for him, and honored him with her tasks. While we don’t want to lose sight of our strengths, Martha reminds us that some things are more important than work.

SARAH

I believe Sarah, wife to Abraham (quintessential Stabilizer), was a Doer too. In Genesis, we see how she struggled with the classic Doer weakness of impatience as she endured a 25 year season of infertility (absolutely excruciating for a Doer), waiting and waiting for God to deliver on His promise of a baby. You can see her Doer nature in the way she finally took action by giving her slave girl, Hagar, to her husband, and mistakenly believing that it was her responsibility to do so. At that point she looked upon God as an obstacle in her path (Doers are all about overcoming obstacles) when she said to her husband, “The Lord has kept me from having children. Go, sleep with my slave; perhaps I can build a family through her.” (Genesis 16:2). Oh Sarah, you powerful Doer, it wasn’t all up to you. God had a plan, although I’ll admit, it was a very slow plan, and He always intended to (and did indeed) provide for you.

DEBORAH

Deborah, was the fourth judge of pre-monarchic Israel and the only female judge recorded in the Bible (Judges 4-5). We see her Doer qualities in the form of her leadership, strength, and high energy. Her name, which means “bee,” was spot on, considering how busy she must have been. Deborah, the consummate multi-tasker, was a wife, a prophetess, an agitator, a ruler, a warrior, a poetess, and a maternal figure. She led the Israelites in a battle against the vast Canaanite army and won. She offered sage advice to other leaders. (Doers love to tell people what to do.) Deborah was a motivator and a “get it done” woman who prophesized on behalf of God. What didn’t this gal do?

RAHAB

Rahab, too, seems like a Doer. Yes, she was a prostitute (Joshua 2), an unfortunate profession for any woman, but she was also the great great great grandmother of our Lord, Jesus Christ. Rahab means “fierceness,” a quality synonymous with the power and might that was not often associated with women in biblical times. You go girl. But this woman was bold and decisive. When the Jewish spies came to her for help, she feared God more than men (smart girl) and, at risk to her own life, devised a plan to hide them and eventually help them escape. The Bible records that she was “justified by works” (James 2:25) through her actions. She sounds like a Doer through and through.

JEZEBEL

Jezebel, the Baal worshipping queen of Israel seems to be a Doer who lived out of her weaknesses rather than her strengths. In her book Bad Girls of the Bible, Liz Curtis Higgs bottom lines her Doer qualities for us:

She used her bright mind to devise evil schemes.

She used her courage to commit murder.

She used her leadership skills to take over the throne.

She used her assertiveness to draw people away from God.

She used her queenship to manipulate her subjects.

Jezebel was made in the image of God but she choose not to mirror God’s likeness. Instead, she sought glory for herself. She died a humiliating death. The lesson here for Doers is to seek God so you can live out of your personality strengths rather than your natural weaknesses.

LYDIA

In sharp contrast to Jezebel, Lydia—another suspected Doer—used her influence for the glory of God. Lydia, found in Acts 16, was a successful business owner (Doers are often entrepeneurs and leaders in business) who imported purple cloth and managed a household filled with servants. But unlike many business people, work did not rule her. She made time for God in her busy schedule and as a result was the first person recorded in the Bible to have been saved in Europe.

As you can see Doers can live out of their strengths or their weaknesses and to varying degrees. Women like Deborah and Lydia represent Doers who beautifully reflect God’s power and might while women like Jezebel and Martha (especially under pressure) show us what can happen when a Doer’s strengths go south. The goal for all Doers is to steward their God-given gifts and talents for the good of others and to seek God’s help when those strengths have morphed into weaknesses.

For more information on a Doer’s strengths, weaknesses, leadership style, anger trigger, and self care needs check out the Doer ebook.

Harnessing Emotional Intelligence Through DISC and Your Authentic Personality Types

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:33:57 GMT

January 14, 2025

Harnessing Emotional Intelligence Through DISC and Your Authentic Personality Types

In our journey of self-discovery and personal growth, one of the greatest challenges we face is reconciling who we are with who we think we should be. Many of us spend considerable time envying the traits of others while overlooking the unique strengths we naturally possess. This internal conflict often stems from a misunderstanding of our inherent personality traits, underscoring the importance of emotional intelligence in recognizing and managing these feelings. Understanding and embracing your true personality—whether you're a Doer, Connector, Stabilizer, or Improver—can significantly enhance your emotional intelligence and improve how you interact with the world.

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The Role of Personality in Emotional Intelligence

Each DISC type, represented here as Doer (Dominance), Connector (Influence), Stabilizer (Steadiness), and Improver (Conscientiousness), offers a unique perspective on emotional interaction:

Doers are decisive and driven, traits that can lead to assertive, sometimes aggressive, interactions. Emotional intelligence helps Doers recognize the impact of their direct style on others, encouraging more empathetic communication.
Connectors thrive on social interactions and have a natural empathy, advantageous in nurturing relationships. Emotional intelligence guides them to engage more deeply and avoid superficial connections.
Stabilizers excel at creating harmony and sensing group dynamics. Emotional intelligence can empower them to assert themselves appropriately, addressing conflicts without compromising their comfort.
Improvers are meticulous and detail-oriented, often focusing on accuracy, which can come off as critical. Emotional intelligence allows Improvers to frame their insights constructively, promoting collaboration.

Want to know your true type? Take the Your Authentic Personality quiz now.

Learn more about each of the types here .

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Embracing Your Authentic Self Through Emotional Intelligence

Many of us have felt the need to adapt our personalities to fit different molds—perhaps to meet family expectations, workplace norms, or societal pressures. This adaptation can lead us to wear a " personality mask ," hiding our true selves. Emotional intelligence is key in recognizing these masks and understanding the emotions driving us to conceal our true identities. The first step to embracing your authentic self is to recognize and appreciate your natural disposition without judgment, integrating emotional intelligence to manage any negative self-perceptions effectively.

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Applying Emotional Intelligence to Enhance Interpersonal Relationships

Knowing your personality type and developing your emotional intelligence go hand in hand in improving not only your interactions but also those around you. By adjusting your behavior based on your understanding of different personality types, you can approach conflicts with a more tailored, effective strategy. For instance, a Doer aware of their tendency to dominate conversations might use emotional intelligence to practice active listening, ensuring all team members feel heard.

Furthermore, fostering an environment where emotional intelligence is valued can transform interpersonal dynamics within groups . When individuals understand and respect each other’s personality-driven behaviors and emotional needs, it reduces conflicts and misunderstandings, leading to a more collaborative and supportive workplace.

Integrating the knowledge of DISC personality types with emotional intelligence offers powerful tools for personal growth and professional development. It allows individuals to navigate the complexities of interpersonal relationships with greater empathy and understanding, ensuring that each interaction is as productive and positive as possible. Embracing and applying this knowledge can lead to a more fulfilled life, where you not only understand yourself and others better but also thrive in various environments.

www.YourAuthenticPersonality.com

Have a Very Introverted Holiday

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:33:51 GMT

January 14, 2025

Have a Very Introverted Holiday

The holiday season often feels like an extrovert’s playground. Between the endless parties, bustling shopping malls, and festive gatherings, the pressure to make everything perfect for everyone can leave you feeling stretched thin—especially if you thrive in quieter, more reflective moments. Doers and Connecters often feel at home in this season of action and connection, but for Improvers and Stabilizers , the pace can be overwhelming.

But what if this year, you focused on a holiday that nurtures both you and your loved ones?

Rather than feeling like the season demands more of you, let’s reimagine it as an invitation to less—less noise, less stress, and less pressure to be all things to all people. Instead, embrace the beauty of a quieter, more intentional holiday by cultivating space, sensitivity, and silence. Because even though the world displays Christmas as a big, bright, blinking holiday, I think the advent season is really a quiet, soft, and slow holiday that celebrates the beauty of introversion. Stabilizers and Improvers, this one is for you.

1. CREATE SPACE FOR WHAT MATTERS

Set aside a special place in your home where you can reconnect with yourself, your values, and your sense of purpose. Whether it’s a cozy chair by the fire or a corner of your bedroom, let this be your sanctuary amid the holiday chaos. Use this space to reflect on what truly matters this season—not the endless to-do lists but the moments of connection and joy.

2. PRACTICE SENSITIVITY TO YOUR NEEDS

The emotional needs of an Improver are sensitivity, space, and silence, the same disciplines that we all need to cultivate in order to enjoy the introverted style of Christmas. If you are an extrovert, this will be harder for you, but still necessary and worthwhile in order to appreciate the depth of the season. Tune into your own needs. What brings you peace? What drains your energy? Being honest about these answers will help you make choices that honor your well-being while still celebrating with those you love.

3. EMBRACE THE POWER OF SILENCE

Amid the carols and conversations, carve out moments of quiet for yourself. Just five minutes a day can help you reset and refocus. Use this time to reflect on the quiet ways God works in our lives, much like the stillness of that first Christmas night, when His presence entered the world in the humblest of forms, bringing peace and hope to all.

RELEASING THE PRESSURE

One of the biggest challenges of the holidays is the pressure we put on ourselves to do everything—and do it perfectly. But what if you let some of that go? What if you trusted not in your own efforts, but in the presence of God to carry you through the season? God’s gift to the world was His presence in the quiet and humble form of a child—a reminder that we don’t need to strive for perfection to bring joy. To help you embrace this perspective, I’m offering a faith-based resource called the Heavenly Father Letters. This set of letters affirms the unique gifts and strengths of each personality type while gently releasing you from the need to use them for everyone’s benefit.

If you’d like to explore these letters and find encouragement tailored to your personality, take the Authentic Personality Quiz and download the Heavenly Father Letters here . They are a beautiful reminder that you are enough, exactly as you are.

A HOLIDAY WORTH REMEMBERING

This season, let’s reclaim the holidays as a time to reflect, connect, and nurture our truest selves. By creating space, embracing sensitivity, and finding stillness, we can craft a holiday that feels meaningful not just for others but for ourselves as well.

Here’s to a season of peace, joy, and authenticity. Wishing you a truly meaningful holiday!

www.YourAuthenticPersonality.com

How to Choose Your Word of the Year

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:33:45 GMT

January 14, 2025

How to Choose Your Word of the Year

In my women's leadership community, something magical happens each December. Instead of making typical New Year's resolutions, we choose a single word to guide our year ahead. The results are often transformative – and sometimes surprising.

Take Kathy's experience - an attorney who owns her law firm in the heartland- with choosing "Grace" as her word last year. She expected it would help her receive grace from others. Instead, she found herself repeatedly being the one who needed to extend grace."I kept encountering challenging people at work," she laughs,"as if God was giving me constant opportunities to practice giving grace rather than receiving it!" Her word taught her something unexpected:sometimes our greatest growth comes from giving what we thought we needed to get.

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WHY ONE WORD

Unlike detailed resolutions that often fade by February, a single word serves as your North Star throughout the year. It becomes a lens for decision-making, a mantra in difficult moments, and a gentle reminder of your deeper intentions.

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THE SCIENCE BEHIND IT

There's fascinating brain science behind the power of choosing one word. Our brains are wired to filter information through our beliefs and expectations. By choosing a specific word, you're essentially programming your reticular activating system (RAS) – the part of your brain that determines what information gets through to your conscious mind. Your chosen word helps your brain focus on opportunities and resources aligned with your intentions.

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HOW TO CHOOSE YOUR WORD

‍My years of coaching have revealed a reliable process for choosing your word:

Reflect on Your Season: Start by honestly assessing where you are in life. For Kelley, a CPA who consults with CFOs, health challenges led her to choose "Strength." What feels missing in your life? What challenges are you facing? What growth are you craving?
Envision Your Future: Close your eyes and imagine it's December 31st of next year. What kind of person do you want to be? What stories do you want to tell about your year? For Billie, who runs an online bookstore, the vision of abundance in all areas of her life led to her powerful choice.
Listen to Your Patterns: Melinda, a plant manager leading 34 team members, noticed patterns of wanting to break free from self-imposed limitations, leading to her choice of "Freedom." Pay attention to words that keep appearing in your journal, conversations, or even complaints.
Test Drive Your Word: Before committing, live with your potential word for a few days. That's what Robyn, a branding expert, did with "Surrender." Does it energize you? Does it feel both challenging and achievable? Your word should feel like a gentle stretch, not an impossible leap.

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COMMON CATEGORIES OF POWER WORDS

When exploring potential words, consider these different types:

Action words: Create, Build, Launch, Grow
Feeling states: Joy, Peace, Abundance, Gratitude
Character traits: Courage, Wisdom, Resilience, Grace
Behavioral traits: Focus, Discipline, Balance, Presence

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MAKING YOUR WORD WORK

Once you've chosen your word, success comes through intentional practice:

Make it visible: Put it on your mirror, your desktop, your phone wallpaper
Share it intentionally: Tell people who will support and remind you
Check in regularly: Schedule monthly reflections on how you're embodying your word
Look for evidence: Keep a journal of moments when your word showed up in your life

Some women in our community create powerful visual reminders. Kristi designed a triangle diagram with her word "Trust" at the top, connecting it to "Traveling Light" and "Hopeful Expectancy." Katlin, a Denver-based project manager, turned her word into a daily mantra, writing "She is serenity amidst the chaos" on her mirror and workspace.

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BEYOND RESOLUTION SEASON

‍The beauty of a word of the year is that it transcends typical goal-setting. While a resolution might be to "exercise three times a week," a word like "vitality" encompasses not just physical health but also mental and emotional well-being. Your word becomes a filter for decision-making. Kim, CEO of a midwestern Chamber of Commerce, uses her word "Unity" to evaluate opportunities through the lens of bringing people together.

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REMEMBER, ITS A JOURNEY

Sometimes, like Katlin, you might find that a phrase works better than a single word. Her "She is serenity amidst the chaos" mantra perfectly captures her intention for the year. Other times, like in my case, you might need to sit with several words (Breakthrough? Imagine? Lead?) before the right one emerges.

Remember: There's No Wrong Word. The perfect word is the one that resonates with YOU. Don't choose a word because it sounds good or because someone else chose it. Choose a word that speaks to your heart and aligns with your vision for your life.

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YOUR TURN

What word is calling to you this year? What do you want more of in your life? What quality would help you face your current challenges? Take time to listen, reflect, and choose a word that resonates with your deepest desires for the year ahead.

www.YourAuthenticPersonality.com

How to Discover Your Core Values

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:33:35 GMT

January 14, 2025

How to Discover Your Core Values

Core values are the intangible yet crucial principles that guide your life, creating a foundation of meaning, love, and purpose. Are you driven by connection, compassion, empowerment, or generosity? These are not just ideals, but the essential elements that form the core of your Elevated Authenticity .

THREE BENEFITS TO KNOWING YOUR CORE VALUES

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Motivation: According to the Institute for Life Coaching Training, aligning your goals with your core values can accelerate your progress towards desired changes by tenfold. That’s truly motivating!
Authority: Identifying your core values puts you in control, allowing you to lead your life guided by what truly matters to you, rather than being led astray by fleeting desires.
Elevated Authenticity: Understanding your core values deepens your authenticity. Recognizing what's genuinely important enables you to make decisions that reflect your true self, not merely conform to others’ expectations.

DISCOVERING YOUR CORE VALUES

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Discovering your core values is an enlightening process that reveals the deeply held beliefs that spark joy, fulfillment, and passion in your life. These values are not merely abstract concepts but are the driving forces behind your every decision and aspiration. Whether fostering relationships, nurturing compassion, empowering others, or giving generously, each value plays a pivotal role in shaping your interactions and defining your identity, your elevated authenticity, across all areas of life, from personal connections to professional environments.

In my experience helping clients pinpoint their core values , I initially offered a comprehensive list of over 300 values for them to choose from. However, this method often led to overwhelm because many values seemed appealing, and clients struggled to narrow down their choices. This approach also brought up the issue of "shoulds"—values they felt obliged to choose due to external pressures, which often led to a lack of genuine connection and commitment to those values.

To refine this process, I shifted to a more interactive and introspective approach by utilizing a Core Values Questionnaire. This tool is designed to delve into a client’s deepest desires through targeted questions, encouraging a more personal and meaningful exploration of what truly resonates with them.

As you answer the following questions, remember that values are intangibles. For example, hiking is not a value, it's an activity. But what hiking offers you (adventure, peace, or maybe something else), that is the value underneath.

Think beyond the general values of faith and family. They are simply too vague. What your faith means to you or offers you, that is the value to unearth. And family is a group of people, not a value. What your family offers you like connection or loyalty or support, those are the values you want to pay attention to.

These questions encourage you to think beyond conventional answers and tap into the unique values that authentically represent who you are. As you engage with these questions, you'll begin to uncover the core values that not only define but also empower and guide your life towards greater authenticity and purpose.

THE 6 CORE VALUE QUESTIONS

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Answer thesequestions with as many examples from your past as well as your present in allareas of life (work, home, community, leisure). With each example, askyourself, What value does that honor? Why is that important to me?

What things, if they were taken away or you couldn’t do them, would make life unbearable? What makes these things valuable to you?
What did you go out of your way to do this week? What was the underlying reason?
Identify times at work and home when you were the angriest. What was happening then? What made you so angry? (For example, if disrespect drives you bonkers, your value could be respect. If injustice gets under your skin, justice could be your value.)
Who do you admire? What about them do you admire?
What are your soap box issues? Why?
What would you regret NOT doing? Why?

YOUR TOP 10 CORE VALUES

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Using these 6 coaching questions to uncover your core values can lead to profound insights about what truly matters to you. As you reflect on these questions, themes will likely emerge that pinpoint the values deeply ingrained in your life.

Secret tip: In my coaching practice, I have found that 75% of a person’s core values lines up with the strengths of their authentic personality type . If you don’t know your personality type yet, the Your Authentic Personality Quiz is a great place to start.

Once you've identified these, create a list of your top 10 core values and prioritize them according to their significance to you. Assess how well your current life aligns with these values by using a Likert scale from 1 to 10, with 10 representing strong alignment. If any values score below a 7, consider ways to better integrate them into your daily actions.

To keep these core values visible and at the forefront of your mind, place your list in a spot you'll see daily—be it your bathroom mirror, car dashboard, desk, or kitchen cabinet. This simple practice can greatly enhance your daily decision-making and ensure your actions reflect your deepest values.

If you find this process challenging or wish to dive deeper, I'm here to help . Consider scheduling a complimentary discovery session where we can explore your values further and discuss how coaching can help you reach your most important goals. Remember, understanding your core values is not just about personal insight—it's about transforming the way you live and interact with the world around you. Are you ready to live a life that truly resonates with who you are? Let’s get started.

www.YourAuthenticPersonality.com

How to Keep the Urgent from Hijacking What’s Important

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:32:35 GMT

January 14, 2025

How to Keep the Urgent from Hijacking What’s Important

Optimal progress requires prioritizing tasks, detaching from urgency, eliminating the unnecessary, and focusing deeply on what truly matters.

There’s a Native American saying that if you chase two rabbits, you’ll lose them both.

Just ask my dog, she knows its true.

I have seen this truth in action as a parent, trying to juggle multiple issues for multiple children, and getting nowhere fast. But more than any other time, I have struggled with success when chasing too many rabbits in my work.

RABBIT CHASERS V. RABBIT CHOOSERS

In his bestselling business book, Essentialism, Greg McKeown, describes the problem with this graphic.

The circle on the left represents my dog, Stella, and me, the rabbit chasers or as I like to call us, multitaskers. Rabbit chasers like us believe that everything is equally important so we pour energy and effort into multiple issues at the same time. But if you notice from the picture, all of our energy and effort is going in different directions, keeping us stuck in the same place. Busy, but not productive. Urgent but not important.

The image on the right is that of a rabbit chooser. Rabbit choosers take the same amount of energy and effort as the multitaskers do, but they apply it in ONE direction allowing them to make meaningful progress in the things that matter the most.

Which one are you? A rabbit chaser or chooser?

The reason we chase and ultimately lose rabbits is due to a loss of meaning. Michael Hyatt said it best:

People lose their way when they lose their WHY.

FOUR WAYS TO KEEP THE URGENT FROM HIJACKING WHAT’S IMPORTANT

Here are four ways to tap into deeper meaning so that the urgent doesn’t hijack what’s important.

#1 DISCERN THE IMPORTANCE OF YOUR TO-DO LIST

Write out your To-Do list on the left side of a sheet of paper.

On the right side, list 3-5 of your top core values. Here’s a list of values that you might choose from.

Finally, draw a line from each To-Do to the value it honors.

The percent of To-Dos that connect to your values shows you the percent of your time that is spent meaningfully. The percent of To-Dos that don’t connect with any of your values, which I see frequently when I do this exercise with clients and audiences, shows you the percent of time you are playing whack-a-mole with urgency.

#2 DE-TRIGGER THE URGENT

The world wants you to constantly be “on”, cutting into your margin and leaving you triggered. A triggered brain is a reactive brain and a reactive brain never thinks about things like WHYs, meaning, or important long-term goals.

You may not realize you are doing this, but constantly recounting the lack of time keeps you in a triggered state.

I need more than 24 hours in a day.
There’s too much to do.
I’ll sleep when I’m dead.
There’s just not enough time.

Focusing on the lack of time will only expand your experience of scarcity. However, if you want to slow the hurry in order to think clearly enough to make good decisions, just repeat this one phrase over and over again:

There is enough time.

Say it again, because it’s that important. There is enough time.

Say it in the morning when you rise, in the office when you’re stressed, and definitely in traffic when you’re ready to lose your mind. There is enough time.

Can you feel your shoulders soften and your brain returning? It works every time.

#3 DEDUCT THE URGENT

Everyone likes to add. To-Do lists are about adding errands and responsibilities. Brainstorming is about adding ideas. Knowledge comes from adding learning.

But, wisdom is found in the process of subtraction. You must remove what is unnecessary so that you can do what is best.

So…which of those little arrows do you need to deduct today?

Is it something you feel you have to do, or should do, but hate to do?

Is it something that you can do, but based on your hourly rate, it’s not wise for you to do it?

Is it something that can wait?

In order to pursue the important things in life, you must get good at subtraction. If it isn’t a Hell Yes! then it’s probably a clear no. At least for now.

#4 DEEPEN THE IMPORTANT

One of the three elements of motivation is a desire for mastery. There is nothing better at revving your engine than the thought of getting really good at something. Malcom Gladwell, in Outliers, says that requires 10,000 hours. That is 4 hours per day, 5 days per week, 50 weeks per year, for 10 years. That’s a lot, but according to the experts, it is necessary to develop a deep expertise and prioritize what is important.

If you can’t spare the first half of your day, consider Time Blocking one to two hours first thing every morning—since your brain is most resourced then. Close the door. Turn off your mail app. Put your phone on airplane mode. And sink deeply into important work.

What important work would you do with those 5-10 precious hours?

Here are three questions to consider when choosing how to focus:

What is the ONE THING you want to accomplish before you retire?

What is the ONE THING you want to make real progress on?

Where do you think in your heart of hearts, you could be ONE of the best?

Your answers, although faint at first, whisper to the contribution you are here to make. They are part of a bigger vision for your life and the impact you might have if you stop chasing rabbits and start choosing real life.

Here’s to your Life to the Full!

Take the Quiz, Are you Living your Fullest Life?

How to Tell if You’re Wearing a Personality Mask

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:32:23 GMT

January 14, 2025

How Tell if You’re Wearing a Personality Mask

https://www.yourauthenticpersonality.com/product/stabilizer-ebook

In today's world, masks have transitioned from being a necessity during the pandemic to a personal choice, often used for self-presentation or protection in various situations.

There is a mask, however, that no one should ever wear: a personality mask.

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WHAT IS A PERSONALITY MASK?

A personality mask is an external identity that you can “wear” that is different from your internal self. It’s a set of traits that are manufactured rather than organically grown, usually in response to family dynamics, social pressure, or workplace culture.

Masks become most tempting in environments where one type of personality is preferred over another.

Let’s say your family was really involved at church growing up, and the Sunday school teachers talked most highly about girls who were soft, gentle, meek, and mild (four words, by the way, that have never described me). What type of mask would you be tempted to wear?

Or maybe you went to grad school where your professors favored the highly academic students with a bent for serious discussions and not much else. What type of mask would you be tempted to wear then?

Or maybe you have a great job in corporate America, where your firm praises and promotes assertive managers with over-the-top ambition more often than any other type. What type of mask are you be tempted to wear now?

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THE PRESSURE TO BE SYNTHETIC RATHER THAN AUTHENTIC

There is immense pressure to be someone you’re not, making the struggle to stay true to yourself instead of putting on a synthetic persona all too real. When I say "synthetic," I mean adopting a false persona or facade that doesn’t reflect who you really are. This isn’t about intentionally changing your behavior to do well at work or to show kindness and respect to others who are different than you; it’s about those deeper, often unconscious ways we might alter our true selves just to fit in or meet others' expectations.

If you’re not careful, especially as a man or woman with a heart to connect, your desire to be seen, heard, and valued, can cause you to suppress who you are and give in to a personality mask.

www.YourAuthenticPersonality.com

THE SYMPTOMS OF A PERSONALITY MAS K

It’s not easy to discern if you’re wearing a personality mask. While you may think that you know who you are, it’s quite possible that you’re so familiar with your mask that you’re hiding from even yourself.

Symptoms such as restlessness, a feeling of insincerity, job dissatisfaction, or emotional and physical exhaustion can point to a personality mask. Low self-esteem, self-doubt and not liking who you see in the mirror usually signal a mask. One of the strongest indicators of a personality mask is a sense of inner conflict, trying to go in two directions at once. If you regard yourself as a mix of opposing factors: fast and slow, deep and light, or active and passive, all at the same time, I’m probably talking about you.

The most common personality mask that I see in my work as a life and career coach is the Improver / Connecter mask. If you don't know your Authentic Personality Type, you can take this quick quiz to determine it now.

Improver women often mask as Connecters because Connecters are naturally social and popular - too highly valued qualities for women. On the other hand Connecter women, especially bright and capable ones, can mask as Improvers because they want to be seen as competent and taken seriously. These type of acknowledgments are rare from Improvers who may not value the more enthusiastic qualities of Connecters and look down on them.

You might see the same type of masking with Doers and Stabilizers , but in my experience, it is more rare.

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ARE YOU WEARING A PERSONALITY MASK?‍

Wondering if you're wearing a personality mask? Here are three effective ways to find out:

1. Take the " How AuthenticAre You? " Quiz

‍Start with our quick and free online quiz to get an initial sense of your authenticity. It's a great first step to understanding how true you are to yourself.

2. Download the Free " Your Authentic Personality Test "

‍This test is simple to use. Just check the words that best describe you, tally up the results in all four boxes, and remember to include both your strengthsand weaknesses. You might be wearing a personality mask if:

All four totals are fairly equal.
Three of the four totals are close in number.
Your highest and second-highest totals are on the diagonal.

3. Try the DISC Personality Profile
‍

For a deeper dive, consider taking the DISC Personality Profile . This comprehensive test provides three graphs: your public image, private image, and stress response. You may be wearing a mask if:

Your private image shows a mix of conflicting types.
Your results blend three different types.
Your stress response differs from your private image.

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WHAT TO DO IF YOU ARE WEARING A MASK

The first action to take if you suspect you’re wearing a mask is to determine what type is the real you and what type is the masked you.

1. Get some honest feedback. Ask a few people that you trust to take the Your Authentic Personality Test on your behalf. If you’ve taken the DISC Personality Profile , have them complete the Action Plan on page 15 of the report. This way you can get an outside perspective on your personality. Since it's hard to read the label from inside the jar, people outside of ourselves can help us to see who we are more clearly.

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2. Learn more about all four personality types . Check out the videos on all four types as well as the blogs that go into more detail. What famous people represent each type? What drains each type? What does each type secretly wonder is wrong with them? Then decide which resonates most deeply with you. If may have been many years since you felt the freedom to be your type.

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3. Another option is to read What’s Your Mom Type? Discovering God’s Design for You. This book details, among other things, the strengths, weaknesses, and self-care needs. You can also check out shorter versions of the book that are customized for your type with the Doer , Connecter , Improver , or Stabilizer ebooks.

By committing yourself to this type of understanding, you will be more likely to know, like and express who you really are, instead of putting on a personality mask.

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If you would like help discovering your areas of genius and aligning your life, work and business with your strengths and talents, book a complimentary Discovery call . I know how hard it is to see yourself clearly and positively because I, too, once wore my own mask. But change is possible and you don’t have to do it alone. I’m here to help..

There is a life to the full waiting for you.

All you have to do is take off your mask and start living authentically and abundantly today.

Isn’t Coaching Just Therapy?

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:32:16 GMT

January 14, 2025

Isn’t Coaching Just Therapy?

Yes, my office has a couch. But no, I’m not a therapist. I’m a coach. In fact no one actually sits on my couch because all of my coaching takes place over the phone or Zoom. My clients get cozy on their own couch, and they love it because they don’t have to leave their home or get a babysitter. Heck, they don’t even have to get dressed. So how do you know if you need a therapist or a coach? I think it helps to look at a couple of important areas to see which is the right fit. 1. Focus The focus of counseling is the past. Trained therapists help their clients look back into the pain of their past, understand them, and heal them. They diagnose and treat mental health conditions and difficult emotional experiences. Many of my coaching clients have been through therapy. I mean, who hasn’t at some point? For years of my life, it was a line item in the budget. The focus of coaching, however, is the future. Trained coaches help their clients look forward into the possibilities of their future, set goals, and reach them. They provide tools and accountability in areas such as vision/mission/purpose, work/life balance, limiting beliefs, and career transition. My coaches have helped me believe in miracles, accomplish BHAGs (Big Hairy Audacious Goals like writing a book and launching a third website), create deeper meaning in all aspects of work and life, understand my strengths as a blessing instead of a cure, and overcome my inner critic that wants me to believe that something is wrong with me. 2. Purpose The purpose of counseling is to get the client back to the baseline of general health and stable well-being. Counseling heals your worst. It fixes your areas of dysfunction and weakness so that you can feel “normal.” When you’re in a dark place, there’s nothing better than feeling normal. On the other hand, the purpose of coaching is to take the client from the baseline of stability to greater levels of fulfillment. Coaching builds your best. It grows your strengths so that you can live up to your highest level of potential at work, home, or church. Many people believe that outside input is critical to being your best. Pastor Andy Stanley, founder of North Point Church, one of the biggest in the country, says this, You will never maximize your potential in any area without coaching. It is impossible. You may be good. You may even be better than everyone else. But without outside input you will never be as good as you could be. At some point, you will be called upon to counsel or coach the people in your lives—your friends, your children, your spouse, or your coworkers. Sometimes they will need comfort and care, so you will need the spirit of a counselor. But sometimes they will need clarity and challenge and you will need to act as their coach. Here are three great coaching questions that you can use at those times: If you knew you wouldn’t fail, what are 3 things you would try? If you were to be fully authentic, what’s the first thing you would change? What would a home run in your life/job/marriage look like this week? If you’re interested in coaching, I’d be honored to talk to you. I do a free 45 minute inquiry session (on your own couch) to explore goals, talk logistics, and see if we’d be a good fit. You can schedule that call here .

Leading With Authenticity: How To Start Championing Your True Self

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:32:06 GMT

January 14, 2025

Leading With Authenticity: How To Start Championing Your True Self

Originally posted on Forbes Coaches Council on January 23, 2024.

Years ago, when I stepped into the role of scholarship officer for my college sorority, I had no idea that this position would challenge my understanding of myself and become a pivotal moment in my journey of self-discovery. Our annual leadership retreat featured an exercise that divided us into quadrants based on our personality types , using nothing more than duct tape on the floor.

The facilitator asked two revealing questions. First: "Are you an asker or a teller?" Though I'd always seen myself as polite and accommodating, my roommate’s knowing glance forced me to admit that I leaned more toward being a teller—assertive and direct. The second question—"Are you relationally or task-focused?"—had me ponder over my natural inclinations. Despite my social nature, I realized I was more task-oriented, a revelation that both surprised and unsettled me.

This discomfort led me to a personal pledge: to mask the traits of my personality that seemed less appealing and less valued. This marked my introduction to "covering"—the act of hiding parts of one's identity to fit societal norms, a struggle reflected in a Deloitte study where 60% of employees admitted to this behavior. Covering, driven by societal, cultural and familial influences, not only depletes our energy but also impedes growth. It stems from overlooking our authentic selves, fueling implicit biases that subconsciously shape our actions, thoughts and feelings. These biases, internalized over time, can severely impact our self-worth, authenticity and life satisfaction.

In my coaching practice, I often meet individuals struggling with their identities. Lauren, a project manager I met at a conference, realized after taking my personality test that she might have been covering her true style out of a sense of misplaced loyalty. This epiphany made her question what skills and strengths she had neglected and led her to seek ways to align her life with her authentic self.

How To Embrace Your Authentic Self

The first step in overcoming this is recognition, which involves introspection and challenging deeply ingrained beliefs about oneself. It's crucial to differentiate between the desires imposed by external expectations and our own genuine interests and values.

Several strategies can support this journey toward embracing our authentic selves:

1. Leverage external perspectives.

Encourage peers to provide feedback on your personality traits. This external viewpoint can be invaluable in understanding how you are perceived and can enhance your approach to leadership and personal relationships.

2. Understand partnership dynamics.

If you're partnered, consider your partner's personality type.Often, partners have opposite temperaments, and understanding this dynamic can offer insights into your own nature.

3. Revisit childhood essence.

Reflecting on your childhood self can reveal your core personality. Our earliest tendencies often mirror our true nature, expressed through raw and unfiltered behaviors.

4. Discover your strengths.

Each personality type has unique strengths and weaknesses.Recognizing and valuing the strengths above the weaknesses can help in appreciating and accepting your own identity.

5. Build a supportive community.

Surrounding yourself with people who recognize and celebrate your true identity can reinforce a positive self-perception and reduce the influence of negative biases.

Embracing authenticity is about unlearning and relearning, dismantling the false narratives we've internalized and building a self-concept based on our genuine thoughts, feelings and desires.

It took me 25 years to stop trying to be everything to everyone and to embrace my true self. Ironically, it was my assertive personality, once a source of internal conflict, that provided the courage and determination to champion who I truly am. What once seemed like a curse I now see as a blessing.My journey from that leadership retreat to the present day has taught me that our greatest strengths often lie in the traits we try to hide. By embracing our true selves, we can unlock our full potential and live a life of authenticity and fulfillment.

Take some time to reflect on your own experiences of covering and implicit bias. Consider how these have shaped your actions and beliefs, and what steps you can take to align more closely with your true self.

Dedicate yourself to a journey of continuous personal growth, embracing both the strengths and vulnerabilities of your authentic self. This commitment will not only elevate your own sense of fulfillment but also positively influence those around you. Embrace the transformative journey of self-acceptance and authenticity, as it not only nurtures your personal development but also enhances your impact on the world around you.

Mastering Emotional Intelligence: Transforming Conflict into Collaboration

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:30:07 GMT

January 14, 2025

Mastering Emotional Intelligence: Transforming Conflict into Collaboration

Conflicts often arise simply because people are inherently different. The bad news is that these differences can lead to misunderstandings and disagreements. The good news, however, is that people are predictably different. Understanding the pattern of their personalities through the DISC framework and incorporating insights from Your Authentic Personality Types

can empower you to manage conflict successfully, using emotional intelligence to navigate these challenges effectively in both your professional life and personal relationships.

Mastering Emotional Intelligence through DISC and Your Authentic Personality Types in Conflict Management

In the realm of personal and professional interactions, conflict is inevitable. The key to handling these conflicts lies in emotional intelligence—the ability to understand and manage your emotions and those of others. Integrating the DISC personality

framework with Your Authentic Personality Types—Doer (D), Connector (I), Stabilizer (S), and Improver (C)—enhances this skill

by providing clear pathways tailored to your personality type, enabling more effective communication and resolution strategies.

What is DISC and Your Authentic Personality Types?

The DISC mode l categorizes personalities into four main types, each with a corresponding Authentic Personality Type:

Dominance (D), also known as the Doer; Influence (I), or the Connector; Steadiness (S), known as the Stabilizer; and Conscientiousness (C), or the Improver. Each type responds to conflict in unique ways, influenced by their emotional tendencies and communication styles.

If you want to know your DISC type, you can take the test here.

If you want to know Your Authentic Personality Type, you can take the quiz here.

Learn more about each of the types here.

D: Dominance (Doer)

As a Doer, your direct and results-oriented approach can be an asset in conflict situations. However, it's crucial to balance this with emotional intelligence to avoid being perceived as aggressive.

Strategies for Doers:

Cultivate Self-awareness: Recognize when your directness may overwhelm others. Pausing to assess the emotional climate can make your interactions more effective.

Practice Empathetic Leadership: Focus on understanding the needs and feelings of others to foster a more collaborative environment.

I: Influence (Connector)

As a Connector, you thrive on interaction and are naturally persuasive, but your conflict management should focus on emotional depth to ensure meaningful resolutions.

Strategies for Connectors:

Enhance Emotional Connections: Use your communication skills to truly listen and connect emotionally, addressing the underlying feelings in conflicts.

Balance Positivity with Realism: Ensure that your aversion to conflict does not bypass genuine issues needing attention.

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S: Steadiness (Stabilizer)

Your calm and supportive nature as a Stabilizer is a cornerstone of your emotional intelligence. In conflicts, leveraging these traits can lead to harmonious outcomes.

Strategies for Stabilizers:

Assert Your Emotional Needs: It’s important to express your feelings clearly to prevent being overlooked.

Foster an Environment of Mutual Support: Use your empathy to encourage open, supportive dialogues that respect everyone’s emotional perspectives.

C: Conscientiousness (Improver)

As an Improver, your approach to conflict often focuses on facts over feelings, which can benefit from a stronger infusion of emotional awareness.

Strategies for Improvers:

Acknowledge Emotional Data: Recognize that emotions are just as critical as facts in resolving conflicts.

Communicate with Sensitivity: Strive to express your analytical thoughts in ways that are considerate of others’ emotions, promoting clearer, more respectful interactions.

Applying Emotional Intelligence with DISC and Your Authentic Personality Types in Personal Relationships

The emotional intelligence strategies derived from your personality type are not only effective in professional settings but are crucial in personal relationships as well. For instance, a Doer might work to manage family conflicts with more empathy, while a Connector could enhance connections with friends by fostering deeper emotional understanding.

The integration of DISC and Your Authentic Personality Types in conflict management allows you to not only respond to conflicts more effectively but also to transform these challenges into opportunities for growth and deeper connection. By understanding both the emotional landscape and the behavioral tendencies of yourself and others, you can navigate conflicts with grace and efficacy, ultimately leading to more fulfilling and harmonious interactions both at work and at home.

www.YourAuthenticPersonality.co

Preventing Burnout: Self-Care Strategies for Connecters to Maintain Energy and Well-Being

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:30:00 GMT

January 14, 2025

Preventing Burnout: Self-Care Strategies for Connecters to Maintain Energy and Well-Being

SELF-CARE ISN'T SELFISHNESS

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Self-care gets a bad rap because, too often, it’s synonymous with self- centered and self-indulgent activities. Or it conjures up images of people lying around all day, doing nothing.

But you’re a mom, or a busy professional, or a human with stuff to do.

You never get to lie around.

You barely get to sit down!

So let me be perfectly clear about what I mean when I use the phrase self-care. Real self-care isn’t selfishness; it’s stewardship.

It’s taking care of what you’ve been given. Empty, exhausted, and in need of repair is not a good platform for effective work or parenting.

That’s why it’s essential that you steward your body and mind, so you can take better care of your family perform well in your professional life.

In order to do that you must become aware of your energy drainers and gainers. They are unique to your design. If your boss or spouse is a different personality type (and usually they are), they probably aren’t be drained by these stressors like you are. It’s

not likely they will be energized by these self-care acts like you will either. Don’t worry, nothing is wrong with you. You have

been created in a distinctive way, not only in what you have to offer, but in what you need to connect well.

And if you're curious about your own level of self-care, download and take the Self-Care Quiz and find out today.

TOP 6 CONNECTER ENERGY DRAINERS:

Isolation. When you are cut off from others, you wither.
Not Being Liked. When your son doesn’t like you or your boss disapproves of you, it hurts.
Being Excluded. Uninvited, rejected, left all by your lonesome. Brutal.
Inability to Express Self. Any environment that doesn’t allow you to talk is less than ideal.
Precision. When absolute accuracy matters, it stresses you out.
Negativity. Debby Downers are not your cup of tea.

TOP 5 CONNECTER ENERGY GAINERS:

Conversation. Find someone to talk to and “pray without ceasing.”
Exercise. Burn off your overload of energy with a fitness routine.
Fun. With a more subdued energy than the other types, it’s imperative that you get the rest you need.
Variety. New activities, new places, new things-they spice up your life.
People. If your kiddos are little, they don’t count. You need adult time.

Sweet Connecter, treat yourself. When you do, you will be stewarding the life you’ve been given so that you can better steward those under your care, both at home and in your career.

For more information check out the Connecter ebook or What’s Your Mom Type?: Discovering God’s Design for You.

OTHER AUTHENTIC PERSONALITY TYPES

There are 4 Authentic Personality Types. If you want to know your type, take the Your Authentic Personality Quiz here .

Click on the links below to learn more about the energy gainers and drainers of each and every type. This way you can understand the what affects others and support them in recharging.

Doers : Motivators who direct, dominate, and get stuff done.

Stabilizers : Peace-lovers who comfort, calm, and listen.

Connecters : Communicators who inspire, energize, and make life fun.

Improvers : Thinkers who prepare, plan, and perfect.

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Discover more personalized self-care strategies tailored to your unique personality type. Visit YourAuthenticPersonality.com

and take our free personality assessments on conflict, authenticity, and abundant life to uncover insights that will help you

thrive both personally and professionally. Start your journey to a balanced and fulfilling life today!

www.YourAuthenticPersonality.co

Preventing Burnout: Self-Care Strategies for Doers to Maintain Energy and Well-Being

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:29:51 GMT

January 14, 2025

Preventing Burnout: Self-Care Strategies for Doers to Maintain Energy and Well-Being

SELF-CARE FOR DOERS: IT'S ESSENTIAL

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Self-care gets a bad rap by Doers, because they rarely see the need for it. While bubble baths and deluxe pedicures may sound nice, they secretly believe they’re a waste of time. Who wants to lie around all day getting pampered when there’s so much that needs to be done?

Right?

As Alan Kraft says in Good News for Those Trying Harder, “To those who love to be productive, rest is a lot of work.”

Self-care, in the form of rest, is particularly difficult for those who love to be productive, but I hope you’ll agree that even Doers need a break. You need to replenish your energy, refresh your mind, and restore your soul so that you’ll be able to do more for your family and professional life.

Become aware of your Doer-specific energy drainers and gainers. They are unique to your design. If your best friend or boss are different personality types (and usually they are), they probably won’t be drained by these stressors or energized by these self-care acts like you are. Don’t worry, nothing is wrong with you. And nothing is wrong with them either because God made us all unique.

And if you're curious about your own level of self-care, download and take the Self-Care Quiz to find out today.

TOP 6 CONNECTER ENERGY DRAINERS:

Passivity . Those who let stuff happen, as opposed to make stuff happen, confound you.
Loss of Control . You prefer your body, your team, and your hair to do what you want.
Losing . Life is a mental competition in which you ask, "Am I winning?"
Taking Orders . You prefer to be in charge rather than told what to do.
Slow Deliberation . When people take forever to make a decision, you go crazy.
Irresponsibility . It’s difficult when others procrastinate, forget, or don’t complete their tasks.

TOP 5 ENERGY GAINERS:

Goal Setting . It's gratifying to set achieve goals in your personal and professional life.
Exercise Goals . You move your body when the activity has a clear end result.
Achievement . Accomplishments in the form of work (paid or unpaid) fill your soul.
Organization . Decluttering your home, office, and calendar leaves space to rest.
Celebration . To stay positive, your "to done" list every single day.

Dear Doer, even you need to take care of yourself. When you do, you will be stewarding the life you’ve been given so that you

can better steward those under your care, both at home and at work.

For more information check out the Doer ebook or What’s Your Mom Type?: Discovering God’s Design for You .

OTHER AUTHENTIC PERSONALITY TYPES

There are 4 Authentic Personality Types . If you want to know your type, take the Your Authentic Personality Quiz here .

Click on the links below to learn more about the energy gainers and drainers of each and every type. This way you can

understand the what affects others and support them in recharging.

Doers : Motivators who direct, dominate, and get stuff done.

Stabilizers : Peace-lovers who comfort, calm, and listen.

Connecters : Communicators who inspire, energize, and make life fun.

Improvers : Thinkers who prepare, plan, and perfect.

Discover more personalized self-care strategies tailored to your unique personality type. Visit YourAuthenticPersonality.com

and take our free personality assessments on conflict, authenticity, and abundant life to uncover insights that will help you

thrive both personally and professionally. Start your journey to a balanced and fulfilling life today.

www.YourAuthenticPersonality.co

Preventing Burnout: Self-Care Strategies for Improvers to Maintain Energy and Well-being

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:29:44 GMT

January 14, 2025

Preventing Burnout: Self-Care Strategies for Improvers to Maintain Energy and Well-being

IMPROVERS: THE MOST COMPASSIONATE TYPE

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Improvers are typically the most compassionate Authentic Type. The word compassion means to “suffer with.” Due to their

depth and propensity for the more serious side of life, they are able to suffer with others and be present in their pain. But in

order for an Improver to have compassion to give to others, they must first receive it, often in the form of self-care.

Self-care for others may not be self-care for you. Based upon the way you were designed, certain things will drain your energy

and certain things will restore your energy. It’s important that you know your particular stressors so that you can evaluate the situations in which you find yourself, understand their effect on you, and then extend grace in the form of self-care.

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If your best friend or husband are different personality types (and usually they are), they probably won’t be drained by these stressors or energized by these self-care acts like you are. Don’t worry, nothing is wrong with you.

And if you're curious about your own level of self-care, download and take the Self-Care Quiz and find out today.

‍

TOP 6 IMPROVER ENERGY DRAINERS:

Large Crowds. Since you tend to prefer space to work, lots of people stress you out.
Unclear Expectations. If you don’t know what is expected, you can’t make it your best work.
Lack of Information. While others can fly by the seat of their pants, you need cold hard facts.
Disorder. Disarray, chaos, and messiness make your head spin.
Broken Rules. Since you respect the established order, it’s hard for you when people break rules.
Fast Deadlines. When time is of the essence, you cannot apply the precision and detail you prefer.

TOP 5 IMPROVER ENERGY GAINERS:

Here are five things you can do for yourself that will refill, refuel, and refresh you as an Improver.

Deep Thinking. You need to ask the hard questions, explore different schools of thought, and understand the deep and

hidden aspects of your field.

Solitude . With a sensitivity to stimuli, you need space to think, reflect, and be.
Order . Creating a tidy, organized environment helps you thrive.
Beauty . Art, nature, and music offer opportunities to take in beauty.
Sensitivity . You don’t need the whole world to understand you, but you do need a few people who get you and will take

the time to draw you out.

Dear Improver, please take care of yourself. When you do, you will be stewarding thelife you’ve been given so that you can

lovingly steward those under your care,both personally and professionally.

For more information, check out the Improver ebook or What’s Your Mom Type?: Discovering God’s Design for You.

‍

OTHER AUTHENTIC PERSONALITY TYPES

There are 4 Authentic Personality Types. If you want to know your type, take the Your Authentic Personality Quiz here .

Click on the links below to learn more about the energy gainers and drainers of each and every type. This way you can

understand the what affects others and support them in recharging.

‍

Doers : Motivators who direct, dominate, and get stuff done.

Stabilizers : Peace-lovers who comfort, calm, and listen.

Connecters : Communicators who inspire, energize, and make life fun.

Improvers : Thinkers who prepare, plan, and perfect.

Discover more personalized self-care strategies tailored to your unique personality type. Visit YourAuthenticPersonality.com

and take our free personality assessments on conflict, authenticity, and abundant life to uncover insights that will help you

thrive both personally and professionally. Start your journey to a balanced and fulfilling life today!

Stop Christmas Overwhelm: Find Real Joy

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:29:36 GMT

January 14, 2025

Stop Christmas Overwhelm: Find Real Joy

For many of us, Christmas is a season that’s overstuffed with expectations. There are gifts to buy, meals to prepare, events to

attend, and people to please. It can feel like an endless marathon, leaving little time to enjoy the moments that truly matter. Instead of filling every corner of our lives with obligations, what if we made space for joy, meaning, and connection?

1. SIMPLIFY TO AMPLIFY JOY

The original holidays were simple—a moment to pause and celebrate faith, family, and hope. For example, the Jewish holiday of Hanukkah reminds us of resilience and light amidst darkness, a beautiful parallel to finding joy and connection in our own

celebrations. There were no elaborate decorations, no perfectly curated meals, and yet it was a moment of profound joy and significance. Simplify your season by asking yourself what truly matters. Do you need to bake six kinds of cookies, or will one

batch shared with love be enough? Will anyone notice if you don’t hang every ornament, or is it okay to leave some space on the

tree this year? Simplification creates breathing room for what really brings happiness.

2. LISTEN TO THE RIGHT VOICES

The holidays can be noisy, with countless voices telling us what we “should” be doing. These voices can feel like the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future, whispering reminders of how things have been, pressuring us with current trends, and

fueling anxieties about making this year unforgettable. Take inspiration from A Christmas Carol: instead of letting these ghosts

dictate your season, reflect on what truly matters and align your actions with those values. These might come from our past

(“We’ve always done it this way”), our present (“Look at what everyone else is doing”), or our imagined future (“If I don’t do this,

it won’t be a memorable Christmas”). This year, tune out the noise and tune into what matters most. Reflect on the kind, gentle

voice of faith that calls us to focus on love, grace, and presence.

3. PRIORITIZE PRESENCE OVER PERFECTION

Often, we feel pressured to make Christmas “perfect.” But the beauty of Christmas is not in its perfection; it’s in its heart.

Choose presence over perfection. This might look like sitting down with your kids to watch a favorite holiday movie instead of

fussing over a Pinterest-worthy dinner. Or it might mean putting aside your phone to fully engage in a conversation with a friend.

When we focus on being present, we give the gift of our undivided attention—and that’s priceless.

REFRAME YOUR EXPECTATIONS

Christmas is not about doing everything; it’s about remembering the One who has already done everything. The birth of Christ

was a gift to a world that didn’t earn or deserve it—a reminder that grace is freely given. Instead of striving to meet impossible

expectations, rest in the peace of knowing that God’s love is not contingent on what you accomplish this season.

A RESOURCE TO ENCOURAGE YOU

To help you embrace this perspective, I’m offering a free faith-based resource called the Heavenly Father Letters. These letters

affirm your unique gifts and strengths while gently releasing you from the pressure to be all things to all people. Download the Father Letters here and let them inspire a season filled with grace and purpose.

A SEASON OF PEACE AND CONNECTION

This Christmas, let’s make space—space for what brings us joy, for the people who matter most, and for the quiet reflection that renews our spirits. By simplifying, listening to the right voices, and focusing on presence, we can create a season that

feels meaningful and true to who we are. Here’s to a Christmas that’s not about doing more but about being more present—for

yourself, for others, and for the One who made it all possible.

www.YourAuthenticPersonality.com

Understanding Connecters: Key Strengths and Famous Examples

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:29:30 GMT

January 14, 2025

Understanding Connecters: Key Strengths and Famous Examples

I’M CAPTIVATED BY YOU CONNECTERS

You may not think that what you bring to the table is so special. You may think that others are just like you. No, they’re not. The

Institute for MotivationalLiving reports that only about eleven to twenty percent of people are what we label as Connecters.

You have so many qualities that are desperately needed in your family and community. Let me tell you about some of them.

‍

CONNECTER STRENGTHS

I’m crazy about your insane love for people. You’ve never met a stranger because everyone is your friend. And no wonder. You influence and inspire us with your creativity. You’re bursting with ideas you can’t wait to share, and your unbounded energy and contagious enthusiasm infuse us with excitement for new possibilities.

You’re chatty in a happy sort of way. Yes, you sometimes talk before you think—you fail to filter—but your honesty is refreshing.

Your candor blows us away.

You crack us up, like no one else, with your hilarious stories and outbursts of humor.

I love your heart for fun and the way you celebrate life’s little moments by making every day a party. YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE IN

CAPS LOCK! And you LOVE exclamation marks!!! You’ve been given a gift in the way you so generously express your emotions

and your feelings, making us all feel loved and cherished.

You remind me of a sunflower with its happy, yellow petals and smiling face tilted up to the sun, thriving with light and

brightness. Who would tell a sunflowerto get serious or stop looking so cheerful? No one! Because sunflowers make us

smile simply by being what they were meant to be.

Dear Connecter, you are a fun individual who attracts others, establishes communication, creates relationships, and builds

community. You serve your family, friends, and colleagues with your light, humor, ability to persuade and entertain, your stories,

your energy, and contagious sense of joy.

If Doers like things My Way, Improvers like things the Right Way, Stabilizers like things Our Way, you like things the Fun Way,

exuding happiness and positivity wherever you go. You value communication and connection and are always wondering, Do you

like me?

TOP 5 SUPERPOWERS

Here’s a list of your top 5 superpowers, those qualities you possess that the rest of us can’t even begin to touch.

Optimistic
Expressive
Social
Adventurous
Encouraging

FAMOUS CONNECTERS

Modern day examples of your type are Beth Moore, Amy Poehler, Kate Hudson, Jennifer Lopez, Beyonce, and Reese Witherspoon. Fictional Connecters include Tigger, Howard (Big Bang Theory), Phoebe (Friends), Michael (The Office) and any character that Will Ferrell plays.

LEARN MORE

There are 4 Authentic Personality Types :

Doers : Motivators who direct, dominate, and get stuff done.

Stabilizers : Peace-lovers who comfort, calm, and listen.

Connecters : Communicators who inspire, energize, and make life fun.

Improvers : Thinkers who prepare, plan, and perfect.

‍

If Connecter is your major, one of these types could be your minor. They are probably the type of your boss, husband, best friend, or children. Become a student of the people in your life in order to communicate, collaborate, and motivate them today.

If you’d like to hear more about your Top 5 Superpowers, weaknesses, trigger, self-care needs , and growth areas, check out the Connecter Minibook or What’s Your Mom Type? Discovering God’s Design for You to learn much more.

Visit YourAuthenticPersonality.com and take our free personality assessments to uncover insights that will help you thrive both personally and professionally. Start your journey to a balanced and fulfilling life today!

www.YourAuthenticPersonality.com

Understanding Doers: Key Strengths and Famous Examples

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:29:23 GMT

January 14, 2025

Understanding Connecters: Key Strengths and Famous Examples

BOLD. THAT’S YOUR WORD

It’s large and big. Bold fits everything you do. It’s a word that validates who you are and all that you can do as a Doer.

Live life at full throttle. Lead the way. Take risks. Try new things.

‍

DOER STRENGTHS

It’s not easy being a Doer, especially as a woman. Your type is strong and powerful, descriptors that seem more masculine than feminine. You are gutsy and fierce, ready to fight for those you love. You leap into action and tackle projects with a tenacity that leaves others scratching their heads and questioning your level of caffeine intake.

Doers are a bit of a rarity. The Institute for Motivational Living reports that only about three to ten percent of people share your personality type.

So, inhabit your incredible talents and the power with which you are gifted. Make an impact on your community and those in your professional world. Don’t let anyone set your pace. Don’t worry about the haters who call you bossy and controlling. Yes, you have weaknesses like everyone else, but don’t let anyone or anything keep you from being bold.

Dear Doer, you are quick to act, quick to solve problems, and quick to take on responsibility. You serve your family friends, and colleagues with strength, strong will, confidence, and a willingness to take risks and overcome obstacles.

If Improvers like things the Right Way, Stabilizers like things Our Way, and Connecters like things the Fun Way, you like things My

Way, because you know just what needs to be done. You value time and results and are always wondering, Did I make an impact?

TOP 5 SUPERPOWERS

Here’s a list of your top 5 superpowers, those qualities you possess that the rest of us can’t even begin to touch.

Motivating
Decisive
Organized
Multi-tasking
Brave

FAMOUS DOERS

Modern day examples of your type are Madonna, Oprah, Michelle Obama, Hillary Clinton, Kelly Clarkson, and Kris Kardashian.

Fictional Connecters include Lucy (Peanuts), Miss Piggy, Sheldon (Big Bang Theory), Monica (Friends), and Dwight (The Office).

LEARN MORE

There are 4 Authentic Personality Types :

Doers : Motivators who direct, dominate, and get stuff done.

Stabilizers : Peace-lovers who comfort, calm, and listen.

Connecters : Communicators who inspire, energize, and make life fun.

Improvers : Thinkers who prepare, plan, and perfect.

‍

If Doer is your major, one of these types could be your minor. They are probably the type of your boss, husband, best friend, or children. Become a student of the people in your life in order to communicate, collaborate, and motivate them today.

‍

www.YourAuthenticPersonality.com

Understanding Improvers: Key Strengths and Famous Examples

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:29:16 GMT

January 14, 2025

Understanding Connecters: Key Strengths and Famous Examples

YOU ARE THE MOST DIFFICULT TO PUT INTO WORDS.

Why? Because there is just so much to you. I scratch my head when I consider the wonderful nuances of you because, in some

ways, you defy explanation.

You’re simply complicated. (Don’t you love a good oxymoron?) A jumble of emotions and passions roil inside you, yet you display yourself to us as unruffled and straightforward. You like to be alone, and yet you desire meaningful connections with others.

You’re insightful and clever but often puzzled by your own complexity.

You’re just different than others. According to the Institute for Motivational Living, only seven to twenty percent of the

population shares your slice.

IMPROVER STRENGTHS

One quality I admire about you (although there are many ) is your ability to absorb vast amounts of information. The inner

architecture of your mind can comprehend and process words, thoughts, and ideas with unimaginable depth. Your brain is a

labyrinth of elaborate pathways and passages, allowing you to understand concepts that leave others in awe. People often say

to you, “That’s brilliant. How did you think of that?”because you create new ways of doing things that blow our minds.

Psychologists, psychiatrists, and personality experts struggle to define you. Your personality type has been labeled

“melancholy” (I’m sorry, it sounds so dark and depressing) and “analytical” (makes you sound more like a computer than a

person). One author even selected a beaver out of all the animals in the world to describe you. It’s a giant rodent, for crying out

loud.

Do you feel the limitations of these descriptors? I do. They miss the essence of who you are.

In a simple word, I think it’s this: beauty.

You long for beauty—not the superficial beauty featured in magazines or catalogs—but beauty in its truest, most pure and perfected form.

THE CORE OF YOUR BEING

At the core of your being lies a deep appreciation for beauty—not the superficial beauty seen in magazines or catalogs, but

beauty in its truest, most pure and perfected form. Beauty calls to you because it connects you to your true self.You feel at

peace when you witness beauty or create something that embodies pure and perfect beauty. Your quest for beauty is a

fundamental part of your identity.

Dear Improver, you are a thoughtful person who uses your critical-thinking skills and beautiful mind to make everything better.

You correct, refine, and teach the difference between right and wrong, good and better. You serve your family and friends with

your curiosity, compliance to the rules, respect, your attention to detail, logic, that eye for beauty.

If Doers like things My Way, Connecter like things the Fun Way, Stabilizers like things Our Way, you like things the Right Way,

cultivating perfection and precision wherever you go. You value truth and quality and are always wondering, Did I do it right?

‍

TOP 5 SUPERPOWERS

Here’s a list of your top 5 superpowers, those qualities you possess that the rest of us can’t even begin to touch.

Planning
Compassionate
Conscientious
Quality-minded
Academic

FAMOUS IMPROVERS

Modern day examples of your type are Joanna Gaines, Angelina Jolie, Victoria Beckham, Ann Voskamp, and most serious scientists, artists and musicians. Fictional Connecters include Kermit the Frog, Linus (Charlie Brown), Leonard (Big Bang Theory), Ross (Friends), Bree (Desperate Housewives) and Pam (The Office).

LEARN MORE

There are 4 Authentic Personality Types :

Doers : Motivators who direct, dominate, and get stuff done.

Stabilizers : Peace-lovers who comfort, calm, and listen.

Connecters : Communicators who inspire, energize, and make life fun.

Improvers : Thinkers who prepare, plan, and perfect.

‍

If Improver is your major, one of these types could be your minor. They are probably the type of your boss, husband, best friend, or children. Become a student of the people in your life in order to communicate, collaborate, and motivate them today.

www.YourAuthenticPersonality.com

Understanding Stabilizers: Key Strengths and Famous Examples

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:29:09 GMT

January 14, 2025

Understanding Stabilizers: Key Strengths and Famous Examples

TOP 5 SUPERPOWERS

Here’s a list of your top 5 superpowers, those qualities you possess that the rest of us can’t even begin to touch.

Diplomatic

Nurturing

Loyal

Patience

Peaceful

FAMOUS IMPROVERS

Modern day examples of your type are Mother Theresa, Melania Trump, Princess Diana, Kourtney Kardashian, and Carey Mulligan. Fictional Stabilizers are Luke Skywalker, Frodo (Lord of the Rings), Rose (Titanic), Raj (Big Bang Theory), Rachel and Chandler (Friends), Jim (The Office).

LEARN MORE

There are 4 Authentic Personality Types :

Doers : Motivators who direct, dominate, and get stuff done.

Stabilizers : Peace-lovers who comfort, calm, and listen.

Connecters : Communicators who inspire, energize, and make life fun.

Improvers : Thinkers who prepare, plan, and perfect.

‍

If Stabilizer is your major, one of these types could be your minor. They are probably the type of your boss, husband, best friend, or children. Become a student of the people in your life in order to communicate, collaborate, and motivate them today.

‍

www.YourAuthenticPersonality.com

Stabilizer, I’ve got three little words for you.

I. SEE. YOU.

I see your stability, your faithfulness, and your caring heart. I see your gifts of observation and your ability to listen well. I see

your thoughtfulness, your tender mercy, and your helpful attitude. I see the way you accept others and put up with all manner of

things. I see the balance and steady rhythm of your life.

Because you aren’t demanding, others sometimes miss seeing you. They take you for granted, like the air they breathe or water

they drink, because you are ever-present but never any trouble. But you, too, often take yourself for granted. Most Stabilizers I

know miss the magnificence of who they are and what they bring to others.

STABILIZER STRENGTHS

‍

The truth is this: Your strengths are nothing short of exceptional and desperately needed in this world.

Without you, we’d all go our own way.

Without you, we’d be contentious, rude, and grumpy.

Without you, we’d all feel rushed and exhausted.

Without you, we’d be restless, jittery, and full of angst.

Without you, the world would be cold and harsh.

Without you, we’d be left alone in our pain and misery.

Without you, we wouldn’t feel seen or heard.

You are the steady force that holds teams together, promotes peace and harmony, and prevents breakdowns and unwanted

changes. You serve your colleagues and family with tenderness and warmth, long-suffering, routines, tradition, and quiet, as

well as the uncanny ability to calm and soothe.

If Doers like things My Way, Connecters like things the Fun Way, and Improvers like things the Right Way, You like things Our Way.

You care about others, wanting everyone’s voice to be heard and counted. You value peace and loyalty and are always

wondering, Are we in agreement?

Welcome!— I want you to meet someone-YOU

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:29:03 GMT

January 14, 2025

Welcome!— I want you to meet someone-YOU

www.YourAuthenticPersonality.com

Before you start checking yourself in the mirror, I’m not talking about the got-it-all-together YOU who hides your insecurities,

failures, and that secret stash of junk food in your bathroom drawer. (I’ve got Milk Duds in mine.) I’m not talking about the

chameleon YOU who instinctively changes to match the thoughts, feelings, and expectations of those around you. (Because it’s

always nicer when people like you.) And I’m certainly not talking about the depleted YOU who’s sleep-deprived and brain-dead, constantly trying to catch up and desperate to make it through one more day. (If only Santa could have given us a year’s worth

of naps instead of a basket of bath bombs.) But the real YOU. The authentic YOU. Your purest and best self. I want you to come

face-to-face with the YOU that God imagined when He knit you together in your mother’s womb and wove particular skills,

desires, and purposes into your very DNA. The naked, unashamed YOU in all your wonder and beauty that existed before you

started layering on false images designed to impress, to fit in, or merely to survive.WHAT YOU’LL FIND HEREThat is the purpose

of this blog: to glimpse the way God sees your soul and the beauty and potential of your design. to unearth the parts of you

that have been buried alive underneath a sink full of dirty dishes, mounds of laundry, and tyranny of the urgent. to affirm

your strengths and provide help for your weaknesses. to let you know that nothing is wrong with you, and why you have different

needs than others. to eliminate jealousy and comparison in the world of women to allow you to have ultimate impact in your

family, workplace and community by stewarding your unique personality type. Each week I hope to introduce YOU to a new

aspect of your authentic self, so that you can fully display the beauty and character of God that we all desperately need to see

and know. “You are a specific part of his (God’s) reflection, the missing piece that brings a unique perspective and hope to the

world. There is no one like you, which means there is something you can do that no one else can do…When you are not you, we

all miss out on knowing God better, because you reflect his image in a unique and beautiful way!” Caroline Leaf, The Perfect You

What Exactly Is a Life Coach?

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:28:54 GMT

January 14, 2025

What Exactly Is a Life Coach?

I get this question from time to time because most people aren’t really sure what a life coach is or what a life coach does. I didn’t

either before I became one.

Honestly, I thought the job sounded pretty hokey—kind of a cross between a fortune-teller and drill sergeant. It’s horrible to

admit, but I thought the people who had their own life coaches were confused, weak-willed, and desperate individuals who

needed someone to tell them how to live their life.

YeahI could not have been more wrong.

As Frederic Hudson defines in his book, The Handbook of Coaching,

“A coach is someone trained and devoted to guiding others into increased competence, commitment, and confidence.”

As I started to meet some real life coaches, I found them to be impressive business owners, who had been professionally trained

in the discipline of coaching, with a passion for helping others live at their fullest potential. Instead of using tarot cards or

bullhorns, they used personality tests and value assessments, powerful questions, and proven techniques based on brain

research and positive psychology.

And their clients weren’t broken, in need of fixing. They were, in fact, motivated and in need of change.

I was sold.

I spent a year in classes and practicums to get my coaching certification . I worked with mentor coaches and started my own

coaching practice. I pursued and completed the first of three levels of accreditation in order to bring the highest level of

professionalism and quality to my coaching clients.

After more than 3000 hours of coaching, I’ve developed a specialty with ambitious, purpose-driven women. They are nothing like the “confused, weak-willed, and desperate” people I had originally imagined.

Instead, my clients are courageous humans,

Who want to learn more about their personalities incapabilities

Who want to pursue their passions and their purpose

Who want to live intentionally with less stress and greaterbalance,

Who want to improve their relationships at home and at work,

Who want to overcome insecurities and negative thoughtpatterns,

Who want to align their jobs and their lives with theirfaith.

For the last 11 years I’ve had the privilege of working with hundreds of clients—providing guidance, accountability,

encouragement, clarity, direction, and most of all—hope.

Coaching works.

Change can and does happen.

It has for my clients. And it certainly has for me.

If you would like to find out how life coaching could help you live your life to the full, give it a try. It’s easy, it’s fast, and it’s free.

Let’s talk. Schedule a 45 minute Discovery session here . Find a time that works and then we will meet on Zoom. There’s no

obligation.

As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said,

“Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be.”

Your life is too precious to waste. Find someone that will help you grow. Don't wait. Its time you become all that you are designed

you to be.

In your corner,

Dale

What Gratitude Can Do for You

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:28:45 GMT

January 14, 2025

What Gratitude Can Do for You

Your brain is always trying to make sense of things:

What’s causing all this traffic?
Why isn’t my prospect emailing me back?
Why in the world did I just say that?

You then tell yourself stories to answer these questions, even when you don’t truly know what’s going on.

What’s causing all this traffic? Needless construction projects.
Why isn’t my prospect emailing me back? She finds me annoying.
Why in the world did I just say that? I am an idiot.

Why do we do this?

WE ARE ALL CONTROL FREAKS

Your brain regularly seeks a sense of understanding, because understanding provides a sense of control. If you can make sense

of something and discern why it’s happening, you won’t feel like you’re a victim of it. Helplessness and powerlessness are two of

the most painful emotions that humans can experience, so you will do almost anything to avoid them, which is why you tell

yourself stories. By creating explanations, you are trying to feel more autonomous, less anxious, and fully secure knowing that

there is a reason.

Even if you are wrong.

Did you get that? Your brain’s irresistible need for certainty that is pushing you to stay in control, isn’t all that concerned with right and wrong. It turns out that the traffic wasn’t caused by construction after all, your prospect wasn’t responding because she was on vacation, and you said what you did to defend yourself, not because you are stupid.

Your brain just wants an answer right now and because it has more neurons that are wired for negativity than for positivity, your stories instinctively lead you down a darker and more negative path.

THE DAMAGE YOUR STORIES CAN DO

Jessica , a public relations specialist who had taken a career break to care for her children, was struggling with a strong inner critic that had drained her of the confidence needed to make a move. Wanting to find work that aligned with her strengths and purpose, she was able to identify some interesting career options, but her negative self-talk convinced her that she didn’t have what it took and kept her from doing anything about it. Stories make you more negative and less brave.

Sarah , a driven business owner, had a habit of focusing on the weaknesses of others. She often recounted stories about how

uncaring her customers were, how passive her husband was, and how judgmental her friends were. Convinced that she was

right, Sarah overlooked their positive qualities, justified her distance, and complained about her isolated life. Stories make you

more negative and more lonely.

Jennifer , a fun loving marketing analyst, hated her job. She disliked her company, her boss, and most of the tasks that had been assigned to her. She didn’t want a promotion or even a lateral move. She didn’t see the point, so she coasted during the week and lived for the weekend, certain that there was nothing she could do about her situation. Stories make you more negative,

more passive, and less successful.

‍ Negative stories do damage to the life that you could live. They keep you focused on what’s wrong instead of enjoying what is right. They keep you fixated on problems when possibilities are all around you. A pessimistic (or realistic, as pessimists often say) attitude may provide you with a sense of security and a justification for all that can’t be done, but that way of thinking will never allow you to tap your full potential, live a life of purpose, and enjoy the vibrant relationships that make life worth living.

“ Negativity may keep you safe, but it will keep you small. ” Dale

Wilsher

HOW TO REWIRE YOUR NEGATIVE BRAIN

Your brain’s neuroplasticity means it’s fully capable of change. With a bit of rewiring, gratitude can become your natural state, and your inner critic can transform into a supportive inner coach. A renewed mind helps you find the good within the bad and see hope amidst hardship. You can turn difficulties into determination and let moments of struggle inspire joy. Sometimes, a new way of thinking is all you need to rise into the fullness of who you are meant to be.

As a coach, I know the power of a good question. Well placed and sincerely reflected upon, a question has the ability to break through mental strongholds and stories and open your eyes to a whole new reality. This is how you change your thinking, your attitude, and ultimately your life.

Here are a few questions that have helped my authentic and inspiring clients:

I asked Jessica, What if the difficulties of your life happened FOR you instead of TO you?

This one simple question helped Jessica examine the negative stories she had been telling herself. It gave her a way to see the same set of circumstances as opportunities for growth instead of assaults on her future. She pushed ahead and took a position with a nonprofit, creating space for her to contribute her best gifts, and prove her inner critic wrong.

I asked Sarah, What strength might their weakness source from?

Since weaknesses are strengths that have gone too far, it’s helpful to think about the original talent that someone’s flaw has

sourced from. In this way, you can appreciate the unique qualities of imperfect people. If you know your authentic personality

type you can see how your weaknesses source from a greater strength. This allows you to see yourself and others in more

positive and compassionate way.

I asked Jennifer, What are three gifts in your job?

She didn’t like this question as is so often the case when you’re miserable and in pain, but since my job is to challenge as well as support, I pressed on. What are three gifts in your job? Slowly she began talking about a presentation she had done and how that brought her alive. Then there was the opportunity to learn and use her writing skills. She also saw how her work aligned with two of her core values, ownership and connection.

‍

CHANGE IS POSSIBLE

Thinking in a new way is like working an old fashioned water pump. You have to pump the handle many times before you start to

see results. So, don’t give up. Stay with it. A flow of positivity is on its way. And with it, greater courage, better relationships, and abundant success.

If you want a few more tools to help you with an attitude of gratitude, get the Gratitude Boosters. These are four simple yet effective ways to increase the meaning in your life through positivity and productivity.

If you are in need of a coach or someone to ask you the right question at the right time so that you can determine the answers that are authentically right for you, I can help. Book a complimentary Discovery Coaching Call today.

If you are looking for a community of women devoted to living their fullest lives and doing their best and truest work, check out the Elevated Authenticity Community .

www.YourAuthenticPersonality.com

What Is an Authentic Christian?

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:28:38 GMT

January 14, 2025

What Is an Authentic Christian?

If authenticity were a high school girl, she’d be voted head girl and prom queen all in the same year. Not bad if you’re into that sort of thing. In 2018, the word authentic was googled more than most other words. It’s super popular. According to Google Trends it has been this way for years. The word authentic is consistently in the top percentile of searches compared to all other words that are Googled. (Granted, many of these have to do with a dining experience, for example Where can I get authentic Mexican food? ) Nevertheless, authentic is still a favorite inquiry.WHY IS AUTHENTICITY SO POPULAR?I believe authenticity is popular because we live in an increasingly fake world, with countless opportunities to craft the food we grow, the fabrics we wear, and the bodies we were given into artificial perfection. The world of social media itself is a synthetic creation, filled with images that have been posed, filtered, and honed to display a desired image. Our churches and faith communities, in a desire to make God look good, subtly or not so subtly, send messages, encouraging us to reveal only what is good and hide what is bad. This imitation environment leaves us hungry for what is real. It leaves us wanting, yet not entirely sure of what we are wanting for. It leaves us curious about what is genuine. It leaves us tired of concocting, shaping, and screening our lives. It makes it difficult, very difficult, to know our true selves. (If you are a mom, check out THE 5 REASONS MOMS DON’T KNOW THEIR TRUE SELVES, PART 1 AND PART 2 .) So, what is authentic? Dictionary.com defines authentic as not false or copied; genuine; real. representing one’s true nature or beliefs; true to oneself or to the person identified. That description is a good start, but I believe authenticity much more than that. In fact, I define authenticity in 8 ways. (YOU CAN CHECK OUT THE VIDEO DESCRIPTION HERE .)THE 8 ELEMENTS OF AUTHENTICITYKnow and express the fullness of your personality Accept and expose your weaknesses Act in alignment with your values Recognize your feelings Do not influence the opinions of others Do not be influenced by the opinions of others Stand out Stand down We will look into each element in future blogs. But here’s a question. Does the definition of authentic change for those of us who follow Christ?WHAT IS CHRISTIAN AUTHENTICITY?Is Christian authenticity different than regular authenticity? Yes and no. No, authenticity is not different for Christians because all 8 parts apply to any real human experience, and Christians, even though we fight it sometimes, are still human. Yes, authenticity is different for Christians, because in addition to being true in our relationship with ourself and others, Christian authenticity is being true in your relationship with God. Christian authenticity is… …knowing Jesus in a very personal and true way. As David Brenner, said in The Gift of Being Yourself, “We do not find our true self by seeking it. Rather, we find it by seeking God…in finding God we find our truest and deepest self.” …knowing who God made you to be in the form of His original design (your personality) and the desires He has placed in your heart (your values). And then stewarding those resources to live out His purpose for you. …recognizing your emotions as God-given indicators of what’s going on inside you, not dismissing them as sinful or frivolous. …confessing your weaknesses to Him and others, not trying to hide those less-Godly moments from anyone, including yourself. …living for an audience of One (fear of God), so that what other people think of you (fear of man) is not your concern. …being highly atttuned to the voice of God so that He is your true guide and source of truth. …exhibiting the final fruit of the Spirit, self-control, as you choose your words and actions to build up the Body of Christ. More than anything else, Christian authenticity is living in the tension between what is true right now about you in the earthly realm, the the good, the bad and the ugly, (What I call your little ’t’ truth) AND what is true right now about you in the heavenly realm, the pure, the noble, and glorious, (I call this your big ’T’ Truth.) As Christians we are authentically in both worlds. The earthly and the eternal. Sinners and saints. Holy and becoming holy. All at the same time. It’s hard to wrap your mind around, but if you’ll join me on this journey to our authentic selves, I know that God will teach us everything we need to know. How do you define Christian authenticity?

www.YourAuthenticPersonality.com

What’s Your Slice of God’s Image?

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:28:30 GMT

January 14, 2025

What’s Your Slice of God’s Image?

My family is from Georgia, so my favorite pie is pecan, the nut of the south. Every year at Thanksgiving, we make at least two

pies, filling the entire kitchen with the sugary aroma of caramel and toasted pecans. My mouth waters just thinking about it, but

my insulin-resistant, menopausal body shudders at the damage it can do. There’s nothing quite like that first bite as the warm,

soft filling and buttery crust melt in my mouth. If I didn’t have a family who also loved pecan pie, I’d probably eat the whole thing

by myself! But, because I need to share, I get a slice.

That slice is my portion. It’s my share of the pie.

In terms of personality, think of God as the whole pie. He is the sum total of every single virtue, such as wisdom, justice, grace,

and mercy. By making us in His image, He shares those with us, but we don’t get them all—we get a

slice.

God’s comprehensive nature is simply too vast to be reflected in any one person, so God created different types of people and

different types of slices to reflect His many features. You and I have a slice of God’s image. As the Psalmist said, “LORD, you

have assigned me my portion and my cup” (Psalm 16:5).

Your distinct personality, the one crafted by God, is your slice of His image. Your slice is the set of traits He’s gifted to you and

asked you to steward on His behalf. It’s critical that you are aware of your slice— your authentic personality —because if you

aren’t, you’ll feel ill-equipped to do the work He’s given you in this world. And trust me, He’s got specific things in mind for you to do.

As Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in

advance for us to do.”

The brilliant thing about your slice is that it allows you to do some things very well—in fact, better than most. You might have a

keen eye for detail and a knack for analysis that the rest of us can’t touch. Fantastic! Your company and your family are blessed.

But that God-given ability comes with an evil twin, a corresponding limitation, which explains why you’re terrible at networking

and speaking in front of groups.

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That’s the nature of a slice—it comes with signature strengths and annoying weaknesses, all known and understood by God when He chose it for you. Remember, He never created you to be everything to everyone. Instead, God designed you to be someone specific, a slice of His image, to the someones He placed in your life.

All four of these slices make up a whole image of God. If you’re a Doer, you’ll likely reflect God’s action and His authority. If you’re

a Connecter, you’ll reflect His communication and connection. If you’re an Improver, you’ll reflect His creative drive to make the

world a better place. If you are a Stabilizer, you’ll reflect His peace and faithfulness. Together “we, though many, form one body”

(Romans 12:5), or pie, to display a full image of God.

‍ If you’re a mom , your children have a front-row seat to your slice. If you’re married, it will be your spouse. If you’re an executive, manager or individual contributor, it will be your team. This is the portion of God’s character that you’ll demonstrate most fully for

them, and the unique influence you’ll have on their lives. Your influence should be an expression of your slice. It’s the best you

have to bring them.

Take the Authentic Personality Quiz today or learn more about the 4 slices here . For even more information, check out What’s Your Mom Type: Discovering God’s Design for You on Amazon.

Do You Wear a Personality Mask?

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:28:03 GMT

January 14, 2025

Do You Wear a Personality Mask?

I’ve worked with many women whose personality types did not accurately reflect their authentic design. For a variety of reasons, they scored themselves as they believed they should be or could be, rather than who they are.

This is called masking.

Masking is the process of displaying a false or man-made image that covers your true identity. Like the actors in ancient times, you wear a mask to become someone else. And you may not even know you’re doing it, in fact I doubt you do. Masking isn’t usually conscious. But it does happen every day, especially for women.

MASKS BEGIN IN OUR FORMATIVE YEARS

We mask to conform to social pressures and unrealistic expectations, like when others expect us to entertain the masses when we’d rather just read books. We can mask when our job requires us to develop skills that are way out of our wheelhouses. We can mask when we find ourselves in hard marriages, doing anything and everything to improve the relationships.

These adaptations become masks when we accept them as who we are.

IF YOU THINK YOU MIGHT BE MASKING…

Ask your spouse or a good friend, who knows you well and likes you lots, to share the qualities they see in you. See if they line up with what you know of yourself.
Read about all four personality types in What’s Your Mom Type? to learn more about common strengths, weaknesses, fears and needs inherent in each one.
And, of course, pray.

God has designed you with a singular type or a particular blend. That truth cannot be shaken. Let Him lead you to the authentic version of you that He made in the beginning and will delight in at the end.

The Hidden Part of An Authentic Life

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:27:54 GMT

January 14, 2025

The Hidden Part of An Authentic Life

I had a wonderful coaching client, we will call her Bethany. One of Bethany’s goals was to live more authentically in her relationships. (I just love that.)

When she would describe a particular situation with someone in her life, I would ask, What are you hoping for here? or when she would recount a difficult dynamic, I’d inquire, “What is it that you want from this person?

To each of these questions and others like them, Bethany would always reply,

“God’s will. I want God’s will.”

Now that’s a great answer for any Christian because our life is about following Christ and letting Him rule and reign, but in this case, it seemed like a smoke screen. Sometimes the right answer is a cover for a deeper problem we don’t know how to address.

I suspected that something else was going on because nothing ever seemed to change for Bethany. She never knew if she should speak up, stay silent, or set a boundary, and if so, what that would look like. Bethany was not growing authentically, as she had originally wanted, so I decided to try something new.

A NEW QUESTION

After listening to Bethany’s report about a frustrating encounter with her mother and her confusion as to how to respond, I jumped in.

“Bethany, in the past when we have discussed the dynamic between you and your mom, you’ve said that you want God’s will for your relationship. Is that still the case?”

“Yes, for sure,” she replied.

“Great,” I said. “What if God’s will is that you choose your next step?”

She was quiet for a very long time and when she finally spoke, she said this,

“Then I have absolutely no idea what to do.”

NOT KNOWING YOURSELF

Bethany could not be authentic because she didn’t know what she wanted or needed. She wasn’t able to articulate what was most important to her, so she couldn’t act, speak or choose authentically.

Wanting the elusive “God’s will” but never knowing what it was, kept her safe—safe from being different from others, safe from their disapproval or disappointment, safe from losing their love.

Safe, maybe.

Resentful, occasionally.

Frustrated, definitely.

Confused, regularly.

Authentic, rarely.

I asked Bethany, “Would you like some help figuring out what it is that you want?”

“If it will help me to be more authentic and still obey God, then yes, I most certainly would.”

On her next coaching call, we began to create a values list for Bethany. This would be a list of her authentic desires, given by God, that she hadn’t been able to articulate before.

Psalm 37:4 tells us to delight ourselves in the Lord, and He will give us the desires of our hearts .

When lined up with scripture and surrendered to God, your values are those desires.

WHAT ARE VALUES?

Values are the WHY behind most of your activity.

In his bestselling book, Start with Why, Simon Sinek describes the Golden Circle, a naturally occurring pattern in business.

Most businesses are known for WHAT product or service they sell, maybe even HOW they do that, but what is most important, he touts, is WHY they produce that product in the first place. As a business coach, he believes that companies are most likely to succeed when they start with and articulate their unique WHY.

“Companies and organizations with a clear sense of WHY never worry about it (differentiating themselves). They don’t think of themselves as being like anyone else and they don’t have to “convince” anyone of their value.”

Our WHYS, our values, make us authentically us. They help us to see where others stop and we begin. They not only provide clarity, purpose, and direction, but they also free us from the need to convince anyone of our value.

VALUES ARE HIDDEN

Your core values are the driving force behind all your decisions and choices. You may not have known it, but there is a reason for everything that you have said or done.

The value behind Bethany’s inaction with her family was CONNECTION. She valued a strong connection with her family so she didn’t want to rock the boat by asserting her opinions. The problem for Bethany emerged when her emerging value of AUTHENTICITY bumped into her value for CONNECTION.

Values form the hidden rudder of your heart. They steer you without you knowing it, until they are given a name.

NAMING YOUR VALUES

Once Bethany realized that she wanted CONNECTION (because we gave it a name), she was able to act in healthy ways to honor that value. She no longer needed to react to an unknown urge for CONNECTION by silencing herself, she could now proactively, pursue CONNECTION alongside with her other value of AUTHENTICITY by speaking and acting in honest and loving ways.

Naming your values allows you to take the wheel. Knowing what they are provides you with self-control over your words, actions, and choices.

You will never achieve a life to the full (John 10:10) without knowing and aligning your life with your values.

COME BACK FOR MORE

In the next post, I will show you how to uncover your Top Ten Core Values so they can guide you into a more abundant, authentic, and God-honoring life.

How Full Is Your Love Tank?

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:27:47 GMT

January 14, 2025

How Full Is Your Love Tank?

YOUR LOVE TANK

On a scale of Empty to Full, how loved do you feel? Or in the language of psychologist and relationship guru, Dr. Gary Chapman, how full is your love tank?

If you’re having a great day then you are probably feeling full. Just like the benefits of a full tank of gas, a filled love tank can make you feel like you can go anywhere and do anything. The world feels full of possibility and potential and you have lots of love to share with others.

If you’re having a good day or an average day, your tank is probably half full. You’re able to work well with others, treat them with kindness, but there’s not much emotional margin if the wheels fall off your ride.

And then there are hard days or sad days or seasons when you aren’t feeling seen, appreciated, or cherished which tell you that you’re probably running on fumes.

My heart has experienced all these different levels of love based on my relationships at the time, the roles I was playing (ie. mothering can dry you up when you’re giving, giving, giving), and my own level of self-awareness.

What I’ve realized is that the secret to a full love tank is self-awareness, so let’s start there.

THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES

In his classic book, The Five Love Languages , Gary Chapman talks about love in the context of language. Every person, he says, has their own unique love language, a method of giving and receiving love, that when “spoken” will fill up the emotional tank. The first step to filling up your tank or the tanks of your loved ones is to determine what your or their love language might be.

There are five love languages:

Acts of Service
Words of Affirmation
Gifts
Physical Touch
Quality Time

If you feel loved when someone washes the dishes for you or helps you out in a tangible way, you probably speak Acts of Service .

If compliments and verbal encouragement make your heart swoon then you are a Words of Affirmation guy or girl.

If thoughtful gifts of any size make you feel loved and valued, then Gifts is your language.

If a hug or some type of caring touch can absolutely make your day then you speak Physical Touch .

And if just spending time with a loved one, whether sitting on the couch or chatting it up at Starbucks, gives you that wonderful feeling of connection, then you are a Quality Time person.

A note for men: unless you’re pretty touchy-feely with everyone in your life, your main love language is not likely to be physical touch. I’m not saying that sex is not important to you. What I am trying to do is get your tank filled emotionally.

Learn more here .

OWNING YOUR LOVE LANGUAGE

It’s important to understand how you receive love so that you can educate those around you what’s important to you.

Because here’s the kicker: You are responsible for getting your needs met.

It’s not your husband’s, wife’s, best friend’s, or even your mom’s job to fill your love tank. Other people are not supposed to read your mind and know what you need. That is your job.

Owning your love language means that at a minimum, you know what you need. Understanding and admitting your needs is part of the humility of an authentic life, even though for women, this is no easy task. As the gender socialized to ignore our own needs in order to care for the needs of others, we are often a mystery to ourselves.

Remaining ignorant to what you need is dangerous because it renders you helpless and powerless to fill your tank. It requires you to depend on others to tell you who you are, and they don’t always get it right. But, if you understand what you need, because you’ve taken the time to reflect on and observe yourself, you’ll be able to seek out healthy sources of love like getting a pedicure or massage ( Physical Touch ) or hiring a housekeeper or assistant ( Acts of Service ).

You’ll also be able to request the love you need from others. Let them know a ten minute face-to-face conversation ( Quality Time ) means infinitely more to you than a bouquet of roses or some swag from the office ( Gifts ). Or that vacuuming the living room ( Acts of Service ) says I love you even more than a great hug or kiss ( Physical Touch ).

Now, if the people that you request love from are unable or unwilling to provide what you need (I’ve been there too), you’ll need to take extreme ownership of your heart. The tips I offer in the blog, When No one Is Speaking Your Love Language , will start to fill you up again.

SHARE THE LOVE

As your tank begins to fill, go out and share the love.

Become a student of your husband, your children, your coworkers, and your friends. Notice how they express love because it’s usually the same way they like to receive it. If they always buy you sweet little gifts or speak kind words to you, Gifts or Words of Affirmation may be their primary love language.

Notice what hurts your loved ones the most. Is it a lack of affection? That points to Physical Touch . Is it when they don’t get time with you? They probably speak Quality Time . Or maybe it’s a perceived sense of laziness? That would signal that they value Acts of Service .

Love languages are also our Achilles heels, so the way your tank is filled is also the area in which you are most sensitive and vulnerable to a lack of love.

WHAT YOUR WORLD COULD BE LIKE

Imagine what your family or your workplace could be like if every one had a full tank?

What misunderstandings could be avoided? What conflict could be resolved? What potential could be tapped because you and your team were firing on all cylinders?

It’s kind of amazing to think about, isn’t it?

While you can’t do all the work to make that happen because you were never designed to be everything to everyone, you can do your part.

1. Know your love language.

2. Own your love language and share it with others.

3. Seek out ways to fill your own love tank

4. Be on the lookout for how you can gas up those around you.

I hope today your tank runneth over!

In your corner,

DALE

How Not to Get Triggered

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:27:41 GMT

January 14, 2025

How Not to Get Triggered

I’ll never forget the day I lost it with my neighbor, Laura.

Long story short, Laura’s son, who is probably in jail by now, was a neighborhood terror. Laura thought her elementary age child was an angel and all the other children, mine included, were bullies. One early morning Laura showed up on my doorstep and as soon as I opened the door, she shoved a manilla folder stuffed with articles into my hands.

What’s this? I asked cluelessly, still in my pajamas.

Articles on bullying, she said sternly.

Why? What’s going on? I asked, not comprehending what she was talking about.

Laura replied, Your daughter is a bully and this needs to stop. Read the articles. I highlighted them for you. How helpful.

At that time in my life, I was a tired mother to four children in a hard marriage. To say that I had no margin would have been a gross understatement. I had a slew of unmet needs that left me dry as a bone and vulnerable to triggers.

So what happened next isn't surprising. I took the folder and shoved it back at her and said Your son isn’t being bullied. He’s an active part of these incidents, in fact, he’s instigating them. My voice grew louder and louder with each word that came out of my mouth.

Read the folder, she demanded. Your child is a bully and this has been going on for 4 years.

I stepped out onto the front porch, jabbed my finger into her chest, and unleashed my frustration. I hollered at her as she backed away. “If this has been going on for 4 years, then why is this the first that I am hearing about it? And by the way, why were you yelling at my child? (She had shouted at all the neighborhood seven-year-olds the night before.) Next time, Honey—Honey? Where did that come from?—you talk to me!

By this point, we were in the driveway, and I was still in my pajamas—not the nice ones. She turned and started heading toward the street to get away from my rant, but that didn’t stop me. I followed her. You’re not seeing the situation clearly, Honey. (I was still calling her Honey. I couldn’t seem to stop myself.)

I’m calling the police, she yells as she gets in her car.

Go for it, I scream back.

She locks her door (good call) and rolls down her window to get the last word in , I’m calling the school, she threatens.

"Haaaave... aaatt... iiiit," I wail back as she speeds off down the road.

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SHE MADE ME MAD

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It would have been simple to blame Laura for my anger and make this unfortunate situation entirely her fault. She was, after all, the one who showed up on my doorstep and falsely accused my daughter of bullying, a serious offense.

Which she also did with three other families. Although I don’t think any of them ended up in their driveway in their pajamas screaming at Laura, calling her Honey and daring her to call the police. Laura did take me up on my challenge, called the police, and after a bit of investigation, they dropped the charges and brought a peaceful resolution to all this insanity.

However, understanding the mystery of my erratic behavior and answering the question, "Where did that come from?" took a longer time to resolve.

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SOLVING THE MYSTERY OF YOUR TRIGGERS

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Now as a professional life and career coach trained to help people find and live their best lives, I can tell you that triggers are emotional responses not to other people, crazy though they may be, but to your very own unmet needs.

That is the reason that some things trigger you and some things don’t. When you are well-fed, well-rested, and sufficiently happy, most of your needs are probably met. These are the times you can Stay Calm and Carry On, even when a real life trigger shows up at your door. But when you are running on empty, even if you’re not aware of it, you will be susceptible to triggering.

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Take the How Triggered are You Quiz?

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THE FOUR STEPS TO DE-TRIGGER YOURSELF

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So how do you de-trigger yourself and manage your responses, especially when faced with difficult situations?

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#1 ASK YOURSELF A QUESTION

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In the heat of the moment, ie. when you’re standing toe-to-toe with your trigger, ask yourself this question, What do I need?
Now, I’ll be honest, this is one of the hardest times to answer a question, but just by asking yourself a question, you will start to calm down.

You see, when triggered, the limbic system in your brain goes crazy and emotions run wild. Limbic systems can’t speak or process language; all they can do is feel. So when you ask yourself a question, another part of your brain, the prefrontal cortex, has to enter into the discussion, bringing with it more rational thought and intentional behavior. Bottom line: your prefrontal cortex will keep you out of the driveway and out of trouble.

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#2 STAY ON YOUR SIDE OF THE STREET

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Next, try to actually answer the question: What do I need right now?

Do I need help?

Do I need acceptance?

Do I need to make my own decisions?

Do I need to be liked?

Do I need to feel safe?

Be honest with yourself. What is it that you need? When I first did this exercise, I started with answers like this:

I need Laura to shut up.

I need Laura to stop accusing my daughter.

I need Laura to see reason.

Those answers were a good start. In the beginning of a de-triggering process, it’s important that you celebrate progress in all its many forms, but eventually you have to move on because answers that rely on Laura or anyone else to act, don’t have the power to fill your tank, meet your needs, or de-trigger you for good.

Sure, it’s nice when someone else changes, but ultimately you need to take charge of meeting your own needs, so that next time annoying actions won’t bother you so much.

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#3 IDENTIFY YOUR NEEDS

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If you are feeling stuck on that last question and can’t stop thinking about how your triggering person is the one who needs to change, try completing this sentence:

If only ________ (jerk) would stop _______(bad behavior) then I could ____________ (the need).

I recommend using this statement as a journal prompt so you can answer it in as many ways as possible.

If only Laura would stop bullying me, I could advocate for myself with strength and dignity.

If only Laura would stop accusing me of crazy stuff, I could feel good about my job as a parent.

If only Laura would see reason, I could enjoy my neighbors.

Back then I hadn’t really found my voice. I felt helpless and hopeless about my ability to create change simply by sharing my opinion. That was an unmet need that caused me to blow. I also wanted to feel good about my work as a mom. I mean, who doesn’t. This interaction made me worry that somehow I was dropping the ball. And because there was little harmony in my marriage, I wanted to have a good relationship with my neighbors. This held a lot of weight for me, more than it would have if I had been in a different situation.

These unaddressed needs set me up for an emotional meltdown.

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#4 MEET YOUR NEEDS

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Finally, create a plan to start meeting your needs. It wasn’t Laura’s job to meet my needs—thankfully, because I’m sure she wasn’t up to it. It was my job. And now, because of Laura, I knew where I needed to put in the effort.

I found places to speak up where my thoughts would be heard. I released myself from unrealistic parenting expectations. I started building deeper relationships with the neighbors that I liked, and let the rest go.

What is it that you need that your triggers have revealed?

Do you need respect from your children because they are driving you crazy and you’re losing your cool? Then teach them how to talk to you and set consequences if they don’t, but also look for ways you are not respecting yourself. Do you need to set more limits with your coworkers? Do you need to listen to yourself? Do you need to speak to yourself in kinder ways?

If you need attention from your spouse or your boss, schedule time to talk with them but also look for ways that you can pay attention to yourself. Are you ignoring your own wishes? Have you discounted something you really want? What have you overlooked in your own life?

Women are often socialized to ignore their needs while caring for others, leaving us with a number of unmet needs and little awareness as to what is causing the problem.

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UNTRIGGERABLE

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When you identify what you need instead of reacting to a trigger:

you are expressing vulnerability rather than blame

you are taking responsibility for yourself

you are allowing others to respond to you with less defensiveness and more compassion

you are improving healthy connections with othersOK July

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It is not brave or powerful to stand in your driveway and yell at someone. That is reactive cowardice. True courage is looking deep into yourself and taking responsibility for your actions, so you can choose how to behave.

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The way to make yourself untriggerable is by filling your cup and meeting your needs. By doing this for yourself, you will give the gift of your best self to others.

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To see if you are triggerable, Take the How Triggered are You Quiz?

How to Embody a Full Range of Emotions

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:27:33 GMT

January 14, 2025

How to Embody a Full Range of Emotions

Today in my hot yoga class there was a woman standing in the front row who was ridiculously happy. She had this smile, a very big, toothy smile on her face, the ENTIRE class. I’m not kidding. It lasted the whole hour. When I first noticed her, I smiled too. After all, smiling is contagious. But within five minutes it just got weird. And plastic, because she didn’t seem real. A one-dimensional expression of emotion, even happiness, isn’t authentic. No one is happy, that happy, all the time. Especially in hot yoga.GOD MADE US WITH EMOTIONSGod made us with a full range of emotions. He gave us sadness, gladness, and madness. There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Matthew 5:4 Be angry and do not sin. Ephesians 4:26 He designed us to feel excitement, fear, guilt, and surprise. And while each personality type has a tendency to camp out in one emotion (see chart below), we have all been wired to play multiple notes on the emotional scale.INSIDE OUTDo you remember the Pixar movie, Inside Out? It was the animated movie about the five emotions inside a little girl’s head. There was Anger (he’s crabby), Disgust (she’s sassy), Fear (he’s a ball of nerves), Joy (she’s happy) and Sadness (she’s blue, literally), but Joy runs the show. According to Joy, “A good day, leads to a good week, leads to a good year, leads to a good life,” so her mission is to keep Sadness from influencing the little girl’s life. Of course, denying this emotion creates all the problems in the movie. The little girl was sad but had hidden it behind a veneer of happiness because she didn’t want to upset her parents. It wasn’t until the little girl broke down and admitted her sorrow, that she was able to heal and get better. Joy wanted the little girl to be one-dimensional in the area of emotion—all happiness, all the time—but that isn’t how we were made and it isn’t real.ONE DIMENSIONAL EMOTIONDo you ever feel like that little girl with Joy running the show? Do you believe that you should be happy all the time? Often as Christians we feel like we’re supposed to be one-dimensional when it comes to our emotions. We mistakenly believe three lies about solitary happiness: Solitary happiness demonstrates great faith, full surrender, and a commitment to being in the world but not of the world. Yes, we are different—we are forgiven, filled, and fellow citizens of heaven. But we are still human. We will still experience a variety of emotions as we seek know God, serve Him and submit to His will. For example, we are to rejoice in our suffering (Romans 5:3), not because of our suffering. God doesn’t expect us to jump up and down when we lose our job or fight with our spouse. He expects us to feel things like confusion, hurt, and sorrow in our suffering because that is how He made us. However, as faithful and surrendered Christians we do have the ability to add joy (not subtract everything else) to the hard emotions because we know that God is working for good in it all (Romans 8:28). 2. Solitary happiness is good PR for God. I remember a friend, who had just suffered a miscarriage, telling me that she hid her real emotions of deep sadness and fear from her non-Christian family because she didn’t want them to doubt that God was good. Trust me, acting like a robot who isn’t affected by pain, doesn’t do anything to draw people to God. It just shows them how much denial you’re in. God doesn’t want us to hide our emotions but instead He wants to meet us in the midst of them so that He can help. 3. Anything but solitary happiness disappoints God. God knows that it’s hard to be us-to experience loss, to endure injustice, and to face the unknown. And so, for each of these situations, He gave us an emotion to feel. Emotions are the release valve for the experiences of our lives. When we feel our feelings instead of stuffing them down we relieve the pressure that builds up inside us. (Fun fact: most feelings only last an average of 6 minutes.) Not only that, but when we feel our feelings we also communicate to others what’s going on with us. We let people in and make ourselves vulnerable when we express our emotions. God is never disappointed when we lower our defenses and connect with others.THE FULL RANGE OF EMOTIONSWe need to be able to access all of our emotions if we are going to live an authentic life, but here’s the question, What if you have no idea how you feel? How are you supposed to feel a feeling that you can’t name? How are you to express an emotion you don’t even know is there? Answer: Use a Feelings Wheel. The Feelings Wheel is an invaluable tool to help you discern what you are feeling. The Wheel gives you seventy-two choices to assess what’s going on inside you, twelve for each core emotion. The emotions in the two outside rings provide the variations of sad, mad, scared, powerful, peaceful and joyful. If you identify an emotion from the pink wedge, then you’re feeling some version of joyful. If the word that best describes your state is in the green zone, then you are feeling some version of peaceful. Multiple choice is always easier than fill-in-the-blank, so the Feelings Wheel gives you options so you don’t have to pull an emotion out of thin air. Once you identify your feeling, you will know what to do next. Check out The Emotional Part of an Authentic Life for the action steps associated with each emotion.ME AND MY EMOTIONSUnderstanding and expressing my emotions has been hard work for me. As a Doer it wasn’t easy to recognize them because I tend to be a thinker rather than a feeler. Improvers usually have the same problem. I remember being in a counseling session years ago and my therapist made a comment which made me cry. He waited patiently for a few minutes then asked in a gentle voice, “Dale, what are you feeling?” I looked up at him and said, “I have no idea. That’s what I’m paying you for.” These days I use my Feelings Wheel. As I survey my well-worn Feelings Wheel, I’ll go ahead and share what’s going on with me right now. I hope that my admission might inspire you to be vulnerable with your emotions and make a connection with someone you love. At this very moment I am feeling nervous (because I’m not sure if I’m prepared for my upcoming call with my coach), creative (because I’m finally getting this blog done), and grateful (for my new husband, new house, and my relationship with my daughters). I’m also irritated with my calendar because it keeps flapping open. And I’m feeling thick (not really an emotion), so I’m headed back to yoga tonight. If that singularly happy woman happens to be there, there’s no telling what I might feel. Pray for me. What are you feeling right now?

How to Overcome Negativity and Lies

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:26:31 GMT

January 14, 2025

How to Overcome Negativity and Lies

Books like The Happiness Advantage, Hardwiring Happiness, The Happiness Project, and Positive Intelligence line my bookshelf. Why? Because I’m fascinated by the science of positivity, I’ve needed strategies to overcome negativity, and happiness is undeniably trending. In fact, as of today, Amazon lists over 40,000 books on happiness—a testament to our collective desire to understand and embrace it. The fact that I only have four makes me feel a little less like a junkie.

Positivity, it turns out, is a brain thing. It’s about changing the way you habitually think and rewiring your neural pathways for a more optimistic outlook.

Many people I work with want to embrace positivity and replace negative thoughts with empowering beliefs. They want to overcome limiting beliefs that hold them back and step into a more confident, hopeful mindset. But they often find that standard advice—like "fake it ‘til you make it"—isn’t effective or sustainable.

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WHY "FAKE IT ‘TIL YOU MAKE IT" FALLS SHORT

Take a few examples.

One of my clients read an article that showed if she smiled, she would feel more happy, so she did that, but it didn’t last. Her friends were actually relieved when she let that go, because she was starting to get a little creepy.

Another client read the book, The Confidence Code, and learned that if she sat up straight or sprawled like a man, she would feel more confident. And she did, at least when she wasn’t flashing others.

Another tried positive affirmations, like Stuart Smalley, in SNL’s skit from the 1990s: I’m Good Enough, I’m Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me! Unfortunately, her affirmations had the opposite effect, making her feel worse about herself. Maybe you’ve tried that too, and doggone it, it didn’t work. The reason is your words didn’t match your actual feelings. If there is a gap between your affirmation and how you actually feel, then repeating positive statements, whatever they made be, serves only to remind you how far you are from it.

To truly shift your mindset, you need two key tools: awareness and doubt .

CREATING AWARENESS

The first step to change is identifying your limiting beliefs. These are deeply ingrained ideas about who you are and what you can expect from life. Often formed in childhood, these beliefs go unquestioned and quietly shape your reality.

For example:

"I always make mistakes."

"I’m not important."

"I’ll never get ahead."

"My value comes from what I do."

These beliefs keep us stuck in cycles of self-doubt. For example, if you believe "I’m stupid," it may protect you from the fear of failure or trying new things. But this belief also keeps you from reaching your potential, limiting your opportunities and achievements.

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PERSONALITY SPECIFIC LIMITING BELIEFS

Your personality type can often shape the specific limiting beliefs you hold. For instance:

Stabilizers may believe their value comes from always caring for others or keeping the peace.

Connecters may think their worth is tied to making others happy or being the life of the party.

Improvers might feel they must be perfect to be worthwhile, focusing on flawless work or behavior.

Doers often define their value by productivity, believing they’re only as good as their last accomplishment.

To learn more take the Your Authentic Personality Quiz or watch videos about your type here .

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Recognizing these patterns is key to addressing them. For example, if you’re a Doer, you might hold the belief, "I’m only valuable when I’m achieving." This belief can drive overwork, burnout, and a sense of inadequacy when you’re resting or recharging.

To uncover these beliefs, ask yourself:

What is my limiting belief?
Example: "I’m stupid."
What benefit have I gained from holding this belief?
It may shield you from failure or disappointment, but at what cost?
What are the negative consequences of this belief?
You may have avoided challenges, missed promotions, or lived a less fulfilling life.

INTRODUCING DOUBT

The next step is to introduce doubt about your limiting belief. Ask yourself: How is this belief false?

For instance, if your belief is "My value comes from what I do," consider:

Are there times I’ve been valued for simply being me, not for my achievements?

Do I admire others only for their productivity, or do I see their inherent worth?

What small actions or qualities do others appreciate about me that have nothing to do with output?

Questioning the belief activates your logical brain, helping you evaluate its legitimacy. This process allows you to loosen the grip of limiting beliefs and opens the door for change.

‍FIGHTING LIES WITH EMPOWERING BELIEFS

Finally, replace your limiting belief with an empowering one. Choose a statement that resonates with you and feels actionable, such as:

"I am valuable regardless of what I accomplish."

"I bring worth through my presence, not just my productivity."

"I am enough."

To reinforce this belief, spend 60 seconds visualizing yourself living it out. For example, imagine yourself in a setting where you feel appreciated for who you are, not what you’ve done. Visualization helps your brain begin to treat the belief as reality, building new neural pathways.

If the new belief feels too far from your current reality, soften it with a phrase like:

"While it hasn’t always felt true, I am open to believing that I am valuable just as I am."

This approach acknowledges past experiences while opening the door to change.

‍BUILDING A HABIT OF POSITIVITY

Creating a new belief takes time and practice. Studies on habit formation suggest it takes at least 21 days to start forming a new neural pathway and around 63 days for it to become an automatic habit. Post your empowering belief in visible places—your bathroom mirror, car dashboard, or as your phone’s lock screen. Repeat it daily, and revisit it when old doubts creep in.

Happiness isn’t just about fleeting emotions; it’s about cultivating a mindset that aligns with your values and potential. By replacing limiting beliefs with empowering ones, you can create lasting change in how you see yourself and the world.

What limiting belief are you ready to challenge? Let me know—I’d love to hear about your journey toward positivity and empowerment!

Is There More to You than You Know?

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:25:57 GMT

January 14, 2025

Is There More to You than You Know?

A few months ago, I pulled out my goals from 2015, and smiled because frankly, I’ve come a long way baby.

Goal 1: Pay off Car (Done. And passed it on to my college daughter.)

Goal 2: Get New Carpet (Done. And sold that house.)

Goal 3: Start Dating (Done. And married the absolute best man ever.)

Goal 4: Get ACC Coaching Credential (Done. And just received my PCC.)

Goal 5: Write a Book (Done. And published it in January.)

Goal 6: Wake up at 5am (Done. And moved the alarm to 4am. I now go to bed the same time your grandmother does.)

God has brought about so many good things in my life!

But I was totally bummed that the two top goals on my career page still have not happened, and it’s been almost 5 years. I haven’t made it to the national speaking circuit and I haven’t reached my income goals. Year after year these dreams have been transferred to next year’s list.

These are my BHAGS, my Big Hairy Audacious Goals.

Do you have goals like these?

I am moving from former stay-at-home mom with a faith-based speaking hobby to keynote speaker and life coach with multiple streams of income and sole provider of the family.

And it’s not that I haven’t made any progress. I mean, heck, I speak quite a bit and in Wyoming and Nebraska, but I am dreaming about something more urban, in states whose borders don’t actually touch Colorado. And income, while growing, isn’t quite where I need it to be to pay for four weddings and retirement.

The truth is that I’ve made baby steps with these goals, safe and sequential steps, but I sense that God has more.

Something bigger.

Something hairier.

Something promised.

THE PROMISED LAND

“See the Lord your God has given you the land. Go up and take possession of it” (Deuteronomy 1:21). That is what Moses said to the Israelites, and the verse that keeps ringing in my mind as I think about my BHAGs.

God has given you this opportunity.

Go and take possession of it.

No more baby steps.

It’s time to jump.

This is what you call a big leap. A big leap of faith.

THE BIG LEAP

The big leap for me has started with the way I think.

In his book aptly titled, The Big Leap, psychologist and coach Gay Hendricks describes a problem, Upper Limit Thinking, that he says keeps us from our promised lands. Upper limit thinking is the ceiling we put on our success, happiness, and joy. Each of us, he says, has a limit to how much goodness and blessing we allow ourselves. While not as damaging as the limiting beliefs we discussed in The Lies that we Believe and How to Overcome Negativity and Lies, our upper limit thinking problem will keep us from our God-given potential and all that He wants to do in and through us.

I hear upper limit thinking all the time:

I want to start a non-profit. It’s always been my dream. I don’t need to make a million dollars or anything. I just want to help others.

I want to have a good marriage. I don’t need love and romance 24/7 or anything like that. Just a relationship with respect and kindness.

I want to a better job. I want a nice vacation. I want to coast. I want to stay in my comfort zone. No one actually says the last two, they just think them all the time.

These statements might sound humble and content, which is a good thing, but what if they speak to an upper limit problem, which is a bad thing? I mean, why not make a million dollars? You could use it to fund ministries and nonprofits all over the world. Why not experience love all day long? You could get so filled up that love would overflow to others. Why not go for the best job in the world or the trip of a lifetime?

The idea that God wants us to enter the Promised Land, the realization of His highest goodness, is just hard for us to accept.

JOSHUA’S PROBLEM WITH THE LEAP

Forty years after Moses told the Israelites to go up and take possession of the land, Joshua did. He had the green light from God so he led the Israelites across the Jordan river into the Promised Land and took possession of Jericho. Victory!

And this is where we need to pay attention because having experienced more goodness than they had ever known, the Israelites lost the next battle. Instead of asking God what in the world happened, Joshua blamed their loss on wanting more. He had hit his Upper Limit (Joshua 7:7).

“If only we had been content to stay on the other side of the Jordan!”

Umm Joshua, I think God told you to cross the Jordan (3:7)? That was His plan for you. To be content to stay on the other side of the Jordan would have been disobedience. The problem wasn’t that you got greedy Joshua, the reason for your defeat was that one of your men stole some of the devoted things that God told you not to take.

The upper limit problem that Joshua faced is the same one we face today:

Our thermostat for goodness is simply set too low.

MY BIG LEAP

Do you think there is more to you than you know?

That is the first question on my current survey card. Of the 348 responses, 92% of them said yes, they believe there is more to them than they know. Such a wonderfully hopeful response.

I feel the same way.

That’s why I am currently moving beyond my upper limit thinking by taking leaps with God into my promised land because I want to see what more He has for me. I want to know what more I am capable of. I want to realize ALL my potential and accomplish these BHAGs in 2020.

Is there more for me to contribute? I’ll find out by pursuing new speaking inquiries every single day.

Is there a bigger influence that I can have? I’ll find out by pushing through the same fear the Israelites experienced when they got a glimpse of the Promised Land. “The people are stronger and taller than we are” they said, “the cities are large, with walls up to the sky.” Come on now, have you seen the size of our God???

Is there greater service for me to offer? I’ll find out by creating more products (be on the look out for our new online course coming in January) and group coaching programs and charging what I’m worth.

YOUR BIG LEAP

I truly believe that God has immeasurably more for us all “than all we ask or imagine” (Ephesians 3:20). I believe that we “will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living” (Psalm 27:13). Just look at my 2015 goals. Great things have happened and more is on the way.

How about you?

Are you willing to push past your upper limit thinking and take possession of whatever God is calling you to?

I sure hope so. It’s more fun to leap together.

If you’re feeling brave, leave a comment and inspire us all with the leap you are going to make in 2020.

Know Your Personality

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:25:50 GMT

January 14, 2025

Know Your Personality

Recently I read Holy Ambition by author and pastor, Chip Ingram, where he said this:

“One of the most amazing things that I have discovered in the last twenty-five years as a pastor is how few people understand how God made them.”

I couldn’t agree more Chip. That’s why I’m passionate about teaching people about their personality.

WHAT IS PERSONALITY?

While God made you and me in His image, He does not want any of us to “make ourselves (myself, in the actual verse) like the Most High.” That is how Satan is described in Isaiah 14:14. As humans we were not designed to be everything to everyone, like the Most High. Instead we are a specific reflection of God’s personality, a slice of His image.

One of the most fundamental ways to understand and live out your authentic slice is through the lens of personality, that set of traits chosen by God that influence how you think, feel and interact with others and your environment.

Your personality is a big chunk of your true self. Granted, it cannot explain everything about you. You’re simply too complex for that. But it does provide important information about your behavior and God’s purpose for your life.

If you do not take the time to discover what God had in mind when He knit you together in your mother’s womb (the original authentic you), you’ll be tempted to create an artificial you, one that is pleasing to man, but not designed by God. This you is usually a smattering of personality traits from all the types, a conglomeration of all that you can be or should be, but devoid of the distinction and uniqueness of your slice.

DOES PERSONALITY CHANGE?

Personality is innate and doesn’t change over your lifetime. The way you were wired before you were born, endures today. It’s possible to drift away from your personality when tempted or pressured to be someone other than who you are, becoming a performer or a chameleon on the outside, but inside, your personality remains. It’s also possible for you to grow more into your personality as you age, if you didn’t have the freedom to be your authentic self when you were young.

Your personality will be seasoned though. That is part of what makes you different than all others who share your type. Your base layer (your God-given personality) will be influenced by the people and experiences in your formative years. The personalities of your parents and your siblings will have an impact on you, as will those of significant family members, coaches, and teachers. The places and experiences you are exposed to will flavor you. Where you lived, the activities in which you participated, the teams that you joined. God works all these together to form the perfect you.

But don’t miss this: Consistency is an important element of authenticity. If you want to be your authentic self, you will want to speak and act basically the same no matter where you are or who you are with. Sure, it’s important to be aware of your surroundings and considerate of others, but if you are naturally serious at work, be your serious self at home. If you are silly with your kids, be silly with your church friends. If you are bold in the world, be bold in your marriage.

Don’t be sugar-coated with one group and salty with another. Be you, consistently.

OLD SELF VS. NEW SELF

What about Christians? Does our personality change when we begin to follow Jesus?

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come” (2 Corinthians 5:17)

If you are a Christian, yes, you are a new creation.

But no, you are not given a new personality.

Think about the Apostle Paul. He was dominant, direct, and ambitious (a Doer) before He met Christ. Later, after his encounter with Jesus on the road to Damascus, he was still dominant, direct and ambitious, but those qualities were surrendered to God and used for God’s glory. That is the new life to which we are all called.

“To put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness” (Ephesians 4:22-24).

When God gets a hold of your personality, He will take all the potential He infused into you long ago and make you into what you’ve always been meant to be.

As Christian psychologist David Benner said in The Gift of Being Yourself,

“We should never be tempted to think that growth in Christ-likeness reduces our uniqueness. While some Christian visions of the spiritual life imply that as we become more like Christ we look more and more like each other…Paradoxically, as we become more and more like Christ we become more uniquely our own true self.”

HOW TO DISCOVER YOUR PERSONALITY

There are several ways to learn more about your authentic personality.

1. Take the DISC Personality Profile Test

The first thing I do with a new client, is review their DISC report to learn more about their original design. This scientifically validated personality assessment, taken by more than 40 million people, was found to be 98-99% accurate and reliable in predicting DISC type in the workplace, although I’ve found it to be spot on in other environments as well.

The 15 page report gives you a general description of your type—your positive characteristics, unique contribution to others, motivations, ideal environment, and personal growth areas. It also tells you what you think others want you to be and how you respond when stressed.

I’ve used this test with men, women, teenagers, grandparents, SAHMs, career changers, executives, athletes—you name it.

2. Take the Your Authentic Personality Test.

This is a free basic test that can shed light on your major and minor personality types.

3. Take the Motivated Mom Quiz .

In just a couple of minutes this fun 9 question quiz will tell you about your Authentic Mom Type, the personality you bring to your kids and your family, to shine a specific part of God’s light in their lives.

What good things do you know about your personality?

The Hardest Part of An Authentic Life

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:25:12 GMT

January 14, 2025

The Hardest Part of An Authentic Life

One day your dirty laundry is going to be hung out to dry.

Jesus warned, “The time is coming when everything that is covered up will be revealed, and all that is secret will be made known to all” (Luke 12:2).

Think about that for a minute. Everything. Every rotten thing you’ve ever done. Every single thing you’ve ever said, thought, or envisioned in the privacy of your mind, is going on display for all to see. Yikes! That’s the kind of stuff that might lead a girl to drink.

As horrifying as that thought is, it’s not nearly as scary when you dedicate yourself to the second essential of an authentic life, Exposing your Weaknesses. By cultivating a habit of revealing yourself now, there will be far less to fear in the future, and more blessings than you can imagine in the present.

AUTHENTICITY IN THE BEGINNING

In the last post, The Beginning of an Authentic Life , we looked at the first essential of authenticity, Knowing and Expressing Your Personality . To live consistently as your true self, you first need to know how you were made, and what God intended in your design.

The reason I began our discussion on authenticity with knowing what is good about you before I addressed what is not-so-good about you (the tough stuff we will talk about today), is because the Bible does it that way.

We tend to think of the human story beginning with fallenness and ending with redemption, but that’s not entirely true. Before sin entered the world, in the third chapter of Genesis, there were two chapters before that telling of God, in His collective huddle, doing good things and making us in His image.

“Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground” (Genesis 1:26).

Your story doesn’t start with sin, it starts with likeness. Never forget that.

As Andy Crouch says in his book, Playing God, our story starts with “the original good creation” and ends with “the glorious new creation.” Being made in God’s image with a slice of His personality, is more original to your design than what is wrong with you. Yes, sin has done a number on you, and you (and I) have strayed from God’s best, but the Holy Spirit’s sanctifying presence in your life can redeem what is good about your authentic self and bring glory out of ashes.

Knowing that you are originally a good creation will provide the padding necessary to admit and expose the weaknesses of your current state.

WHY AUTHENTIC EXPOSURE IS HARD

Why is exposing your weaknesses so hard? I can tell you in one word, shame.

Like it did for Adam and Eve, shame creates a disturbing sense of nakedness and a pressing urge to cover up and hide. You will feel ashamed when you blow it, screw up, are weak, and imperfect. You will feel ashamed when you doubt, are depressed, or angry as heck. Shame sets in when you aren’t obedient to the “shoulds” in your life (ie. you should be smaller, taller, smarter, fuller, happier, lighter, thinner, nicer, or generally more talented.) You will feel ashamed that you aren’t “better than that”, “over your issue”, or motivated to soldier on.

Shame is a product of sin but it can rear its ugly head even when sin is not present. It pops up when you don’t know the answer, your children melt down in public, you don’t have enough money, you spill juice down your front, or you wet your pants on the trampoline (that might just be me). No sin here, just embarrassment over what is considered weakness.

Shame is the reason you don’t want to disclose or as one of my clients says, “share down to your bare bones.” That unholy sense of disgrace taps into your deepest fear that, in your authentic state with all your junk hanging out, you are unloveable. Unacceptable. Unrespectable. Unpresentable. (I think I hear the Logical Song from Supertramp coming on.) Shame frightens you into believing that something is deeply wrong with you, making you vulnerable to and worthy of judgment, condemnation, and ultimately rejection-the very things believers in Christ have already been rescued from (Matthew 7:1, Romans 8:1, Hebrews 13:5).

WHY AUTHENTIC EXPOSURE IS GOOD

So after all that bad news, why should anyone scorn the shame and expose their weaknesses? Because there is lots of good news, namely the acceptance, connection, and presence of God found in this essential of authentic living.

Authentic Exposure Offers Acceptance.

Acceptance is an amazing thing. It’s that feeling of being seen-especially on your darker days when your nose won’t stop running, you’re late with the report, you said a dumb thing, you lost your last friend-and still welcomed. Granted, you’ll need some safe people to do this, people who know that sin, struggle, and weakness don’t make you unloveable, they just make you human. People who don’t judge because they’ve been there themselves. People who don’t condemn because they are aware of their own failings and know that “kindness,” not condemnation, “leads to repentance” (Romans 2:4). You need people who don’t reject your authenticity because they know it’s the most beautiful, courageous thing they’ve ever seen.

If you would like to know more about finding safe people, you can watch my message, How to Find Authentic Friends.

Here’s what’s important: You will never experience the acceptance of your authentic self until someone sees your authentic self and gets the chance to accept you. Exposure is the only way this happens.

Authentic Exposure Offers Connection.

1 John 1:7 tells us that “if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.”

Living in the light by coming out of darkness and hiding, is the way to true connection and fellowship with others.

Have you ever noticed how hard it is to connect to someone who has it all together all the time? Who never struggles, never yells (that’s a good one), never messes up, and always wears a smile. They are so shiny you simply slide right off them. Real connection requires some grit, something real to hold on to, something you can relate to, and exposure provides just that.

Authentic Exposure Offers God’s Presence

Pastor Chip Ingram, in his book Holy Ambition, points out that there are “only two places where God dwells completely unhindered… two places where there is enough room for God to be all that He really is.” The first place is heaven and the second is a contrite heart.”

For thus says the One who is high and lifted up,

who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy:

“I dwell in the high and holy place,

and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit,

to revive the spirit of the lowly,

and to revive the heart of the contrite. (Isaiah 57:15)

If you want to experience more of God’s presence in your life and more of His power to enliven your heart, then you will need to cultivate a lowly spirit through the practice of exposure.

This is exactly how Jesus begins his inaugural address in the Sermon on the Mount. As the crowd settles and quiets to hear what God will say, Jesus begins with this, “Blessed are those who know they are spiritually poor, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 5:3).

God reserves His greatest blessing for those who know they are spiritually poor, flawed, and in great need. There is room for Him in a humble heart that is able to confess this and there is a place in His kingdom for those who expose.

A day is coming for the spiritually poor, when “they will walk with me (Jesus), dressed in white, for they are worthy” (Revelation 3:4)

I urge you, embrace the second essential of authenticity, by airing what is dirty now, so that in the end, you will be clean.

The Lies that We Believe

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:24:57 GMT

January 14, 2025

The Lies that We Believe

The scariest movie that I can remember from my childhood was the 1979 thriller, When a Stranger Calls. It wasn’t the storyline that made the movie so memorable since it followed the classic pattern of a girl stalked by some crazy killer. Nothing new there. What haunted me about this flick was the closing line.

Before we go any further, I need to point out that cell phones did not exist in 1979. We had something called home phones, known today as landlines. If you were lucky you had the modern push button feature, but us average folks had to endure the rotary (dial up) phone, aka slow as sludge.

Back to the story.

In the final scene of the movie, our heroine, the girl being stalked, is babysitting for a young family, at night, of course. The killer somehow finds her at their house and calls her on their home phone repeatedly, asking in a very creepy voice, “Have you checked the children? ” I gotta tell you, as a 13-year-old babysitter at that time, this was my worst nightmare. It’s freaking me out a little just thinking about it.

Our girl calls the police. They don’t do much. The killer keeps calling. The police still don’t do anything. Finally, the police trace the call.

“Maam, this is Seargent Sacker. We’ve traced the call.

It’s coming from inside the house.

Get out of there.”

Is anything more terrifying than danger that’s coming from inside the house?

FRIGHTENING MESSAGES

In our last blog we looked at The Truthful Part of an Authentic Life and the temptation we face to impress others rather than simply be our real selves. I pointed out that this type of behavior is most likely to occur in the area of our personal insecurities. Places where we worry and say things like,

I’m too much.

I’m not enough.

I’m stupid.

I’m strange.

I’m undeserving.

I’m not important.

These are the phrases that drive us choose pretense (an attempt to make something that is not real appear to be true) over authenticity. But in this case, what is most untrue, even more than our attempts to be seen in certain ways, are the statements listed above. This is the unceasing negative chatter of our limiting beliefs.

Please don’t let your familiarity with these phrases lull you into a fall sense of security. Each one is highly dangerous with the power to restrict your potential and thwart your purpose. These beliefs are enemies of your nobility, disguising themselves as statements of humility, when really what they are is this: LIES.

The scariest part of all is that these lies are coming from inside your head.

WHAT IS A LIMITING BELIEF?

Beliefs are deeply ingrained thoughts and assumptions that we made about ourselves and the world around us during childhood. Often our beliefs are misinterpretations of past events that we’ve translated into generalizations that are not factual, although we view them as absolute truths.

The beliefs we carry around in our heads started with a single experience, like when you failed a 3rd grade math quiz. What happened next was crucial because it’s never what happened to you, but what you came to believe in the process. Your teacher grades the tests and hands yours back to you: 4 out of 10. Bad news. In that one moment you made a decision, although you probably weren’t aware of it.

I’m stupid. I’m not as smart as other kids. I’m bad at math.

This one decision (and all the others like it) started laying the foundation of your self-concept and the labels and limitations you put on yourself. “For as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.” (Proverbs 23:7 KJV) The expectations you have of yourself today are all built upon the culmination of these beliefs, most of which are not even true.

WHO’S VOICE IS THIS ANYWAY?

One of the reasons that these lies have been allowed to remain inside our heads is that we mistake the voice of our inner critic for the voice of God. We think these nasty statements are actually convicting truths, meant to whip us in shape and keep us in line.

Never forget this. Satan “is a liar and the father of lies” (John 8:44). He “disguises himself as an angel of light” (2 Corinthians 11:14) and tries to make us think these beliefs are good for us, when nothing could be further from the truth.

This chart, adapted from Kathy Escobar’s book, Come with Me, is a great tool you can use to distinguish the voice of God from the voice of our inner critic, the part of our conscience that has been lied to and therefore recites these lies.

It’s time to clean house and remove the threats that linger inside.

Start by becoming aware of your limiting beliefs, the things you say to yourself that aren’t universal truths. They often include the word “too” such as “you’re too loud, too quiet, too picky, too intense” or “should” in “you should be more loving, you should be further along by now, you shouldn’t be angry.” Pull these lies out of the shadows and let the light of God’s truth shine on them.

In the next blog, I will show you a 6 step process for turning these debilitating lies into empowering beliefs.

Three Little Words that Will Kill Your Motivation Every Time

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:17:25 GMT

January 14, 2025

Three Little Words that Will Kill Your Motivation Every Time

Do you ever catch yourself saying things like…

I have to be on the departmental Zoom call at 10am. I have to drive carpool three times this week. I have to get to the grocery store today. I have to stop eating those Cheez-Its®.

Me too. Cheez-Its® are the best.

MOTIVATION KILLER

Believe it or not there is more for us to worry about here than hydrogenated fats and empty calories. The phrase I have to, whether we say it out loud or think it in our head, is a motivation killer.

Simply put, I have to implies obligation. When you say I have to do something like a meeting, errand, or avoiding bad carbs, your brain’s desire for autonomy, the need to make its own decisions, kicks into high gear, and puts the brakes on any have to . Without realizing it, your own self-talk may what’s standing in your way.

You might find yourself showing up late or procrastinating your have to without a clear understanding of why. You might get out your violin and play a sad tune about how busy your life is or how much you’ve got on your plate in addition to all your many have to’s . And if it hasn’t happened yet, you’ll definitely start wearing out, winding down, and wondering why your life lacks action and energy and that elusive sense of joy. The culprit? I have to .

YOUR OBLIGATIONS

Take a second and think of the last time you said, I have to…

I have to talk to my boss. I have to read to the kids. I have to get new tires. I have to be there by 5.

If you are like me, you’ll find that you either say I have to or think I have to all the time.

What are some of your go-to I have to’s?

(Hint: They are probably things you’re not all that excited to do, but someone either needs them to be done or tells you they should be done.)

The list is endless and exhausting and truth be told, the enemy of your soul. When you’re living with I have to’s , you are not living your best life.

THE GOOD NEWS

Right about now you may be saying, Wait a minute, Dale. You may be right, but I DO HAVE TO DO this stuff.

I get it and agree with you. I’m not suggesting that you chuck all the things in life that you have to do. Rather, I am suggesting that a small shift in verbiage can make all the difference in your attitude and turn your frown and your lack of motivation upside down.

Instead of I have to , rephrase your to-do’s as I choose to . It’s that simple.

“I CHOOSE TO“

I choose to is a phrase of intention, not obligation, so it has the opposite effect as I have to . Instead of draining your battery, I choose to gets your motor running.

Go ahead, give it a go. For every I have to you identified above, substitute the words I choose to in its place.

I choose to talk to my boss. I choose to read to the kids. I choose to get new tires. I choose to be there by 5.

Don’t you feel better already?

I choose to is a statement of ownership, intention, and stewardship. It makes you stand a little taller because you are now taking responsibility for an action. No one is forcing or pressuring you, so there is no internal defiance like you get with I have to .

And you don’t even have to like the activity to be motivated to do it because by prefacing your tasks with I choose to , I choose to pick up dog doo, you are now focusing on the outcome, the benefit you get from doing that activity (a doo-free yard) which is always motivating.

GOD AGREES

Actually, I’m just agreeing with God.

Each man (or woman) should give what he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion…

This means do what you do without a begrudging attitude or a nagging sense of guilt. This means do what you do not out of duty, not because of obligation, and never because of the pressure you feel from the expectations of others. God doesn’t want your I have to’s.

…For God loves a cheerful giver (2 Corinthians 9:7-8).

If you watch your words and own your actions, you will be able to say I choose to most of the time. And if not, I choose not to can be just as powerful. You were not designed to be everything to everyone, so make sure that you are being intentional, not resentful, and saying no when necessary.

GETTING PRACTICAL

In the box below, list all your obligations, those activities you feel you have to, should or should not. Next, in column 2, rephrase your obligations as intentions OR admit your realization in column 3. Often this step leads you to a realization that you don’t want to be doing something. How liberating! Hire someone else to do it, delegate it, go without it, do it next year, or admit the cold hard truth that this is not who you want to be, and make a change.

Download your own copy of this chart here.

What are you now unleashed to get done?

If you want to make a difference in the world, but aren’t quite sure how to make that happen, book a call. As a life & career coach, author, and speaker I work with professionals and organizations who want to see their hidden strengths and define their authentic purpose so they can engage in meaningful work and become all they are meant to be.

What Does Authenticity Feel Like?

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:10:32 GMT

January 14, 2025

What Does Authenticity Feel Like?

In a recent article in Psychology Today entitled What is really happening when we feel authentic?, the author cites research that feeling authentic is more about feeling good than actually being authentic. “When people feel authentic” he says, “it may really be an indication that they are feeling positive about what’s happening and good about themselves.”

Wow! Could that be true?

DO I ONLY FEEL AUTHENTIC?

Sitting here in my sweat pants and ponytail, Do I feel authentic ? Sure, I guess. I’m writing, which to honest, is hard for me. I don’t love writing, not like I love speaking, but I choose to do it because It helps me to learn, process, and subsequently share something with you that I hope has value. It keeps me connected to my community through regular blog posts and could lead to coaching and speaking opportunities which are part of my life purpose. I feel like I’m sitting here in my office living according to my values, stewarding my strengths, and being open about my weaknesses.

And I feel pretty good. Yes, daily I feel the weight of parenting and providing for four children, growing my business, and now marketing my book, so I have to be intentional about remembering that God has got this so I don’t drown in the stress, but today I feel good. I have hope for the future. I have gratitude for the goodness in my life. And I’m not super hormonal.

FEELING AUTHENTIC V. BEING AUTHENTIC

But now I have to ask, am I actually being authentic or am I just feeling authentic?

The notion that we can’t always trust what we feel isn’t new.

Jeremiah 17:9 tells us that “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.”

The word, heart, in this verse is lebab, which includes the feelings, will and intellect of a man or woman. Feelings are an internal, subjective experience and they can fool us. Just because I feel something, or for that matter believe something, doesn’t make it true. I had a long season in my life when I didn’t feel forgiven by God, although I knew, according to scripture (1 John 1:9) that I really was forgiven. I’ve felt unlovable and unacceptable at different times in my life although I know that isn’t true either (see Jeremiah 31:3 and Romans 15:7).

Getting back to authenticity…I don’t just want to feel authentic (although I do want that), I want to be authentic. Different than feeling, being is an external, objective truth. I want to be my true self, who God says I am. Settling for merely feeling authentic (my opinion) or looking authentic (other’s opinion) may actually compromise the truth about me (God’s opinion.)

SEPARATING FEELINGS FROM TRUTH

Here are a few questions that I’ve started to ask myself (and God) these days to make sure how I feel lines up with who I am. In light of recent evidence, you might want to ask them too.

How do I feel today? Does my sense of authenticity have more to do with my mood or my intention to live honestly, openly, and consistently?
Do I feel authentic because others like who I am? Is my feeling of authenticity tied to what others think of me or living out who God made me to be?
Am I acknowledging that I’m a sinner (in the specific ways that I fail) while standing tall and serving others in the knowledge that I’m a saint?

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Have you ever considered that your sense of authenticity might just be a feeling?

What’s My Why?

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:10:14 GMT

January 14, 2025

What’s My Why?

What was your favorite movie as a kid?

I’m not just asking because I’m curious (and because it’s so fun to hear your answer), there’s more to it than that. Your answer to the question, What was your favorite movie as a kid? reveals your WHY.

THE WHY IN YOUR FAVORITE MOVIEYour first eighteen years contain more than nine million minutes, but how many of those minutes do you actually remember? Three? Five? And why those minutes and not the nine million others? The reason has a lot to do with your WHY.

Your WHY is the story of your heart. It’s emotional and powerful, just like a good movie. Movies are stories brought to life, so the movies that captured your heart when you were young—like Home Alone, Top Gun, or The Wizard of Oz—were resonating with your story.

Your WHY is the story that you are here to tell with your life—both at home and at work. You have one WHY in your life, not a professional WHY during the week and a personal WHY the rest of the time. Your WHY is meant to be a 24/7 approach to life, infusing all your moments with significance and meaning.

LITTLE GIANTS, REMEMBER THE TITANS, AND RUDOLPHTake Ashley, one of my clients. She’s a collegiate recruiting coach. Ashley wanted to know her WHY because she was launching a leadership development company, needed to get out of the gate quickly, and differentiate herself in the market. I asked her about her favorite movie which was Little Giants, the 1994 comedy about a misfit Pee Wee football team. She remembers screaming in support for the underdog team. She was 8 years old then. Today Ashley is that underdog. She’s about to become one of the 5% of African Americans who hold a doctoral degree.

Ashley’s WHY is to see hidden potential so that people can own their power in the world. Her WHY has provided her with an inspiring narrative for her business and a deeply meaningful approach to life.

Take Grant, podcaster and internet marketer. Grant wanted to know his WHY because like me, he’s a self-improvement junkie, but also because he had “lost his fire” at work. I asked him the same question and his movie was from the year 2000 when he was 10, Remember the Titans. Denzel Washington played the high school football coach to a new racially integrated team. Grant did not remember Denzel’s character as much as one of the players, Gary, who gets hit by a car and ends up in a wheelchair. It was hard to watch, he said.

Grant’s WHY is to unlock possibilities so that people will have the freedom to live their dream life. It’s no wonder that Gary’s loss of freedom and what had been his dream life was so difficult for Grant to watch. Today, Grant is considering renaming his podcast to Unlocking Possibilities and is using his WHY as the springboard for new direction in his business and family.

And then there’s Tam. I love Tam. She’s also a client and a high-end interior designer with a PhD in Process Design & Quality Management. Tam has two businesses which on the outside are very successful, but on the inside made her feel like she was spinning her wheels. She wanted to stop trying to be everything to everyone, a classic problem for people-pleasers, and find something that she could really give her life to. Tam’s movie was Rudolph, the Red Nose Reindeer. She has a vivid memory of watching it when she was 6 and being horrified by the scene where they wouldn’t let Rudolph play in any reindeer games. It reduced her to tears.

When we connected the dots, we found that Tam’s WHY is to give people a new way to see so that they can shine. Oh, the wisdom of Rudolph. Tam is now using her WHY as the source for a whole new brand that feels deeply authentic and more energizing than anything she’s ever done. She told me that her inward focus has now turned outward and she knows what she is here to do.

HEAVEN CAN WAITMy favorite movie as a kid was the 1978 hit, Heaven Can Wait. It’s a football movie, and I’m not even that big of a football fan. Ironically, I did marry a former Denver Bronco who caught passes from John Elway, but without serious psychoanalysis, I’m gonna just say that I liked the story.

The story is about a second-string quarterback for the LA Rams, Joe Pendleton. Joe is played by Warren Beatty who was a total catch back then. On the eve of Joe/Warren’s big break—he’s going to start against Dallas—he is killed in a car accident, except that he’s not actually killed. He is prematurely taken up to heaven a split second before the collision by a rookie angel. Now, I know this sounds ridiculous, but back then, it seemed totally plausible.

Back to the movie. So, the rookie angel’s boss gets involved to try to correct the mistake and put Joe back into his body only to find that his body has been cremated. The search for a substitute body gets underway so Joe can get back to work and get to the Super Bowl, his ultimate dream.

SPOILER ALERT: Heaven Can Wait ends with the angels finding Joe the perfect body, a quarterback who has just died in the middle of the actual Super Bowl game—you’ve got to love the movies—so they slide Joe right in. One minute the guy is lying dead and motionless on the stretcher and the next Joe is heading back into the game, energized and enlivened to go out there to make a difference.

WHAT A WHY CAN DO FOR YOUAnd that is what your WHY can do for you: bring you back to your game with new energy, enthusiasm, and purpose. Body replacement is optional. You’ll engage more deeply with your work, know the direction your choices should take, and inspire everyone around you to make a difference with their lives.

My WHY is to help people see deeper, more meaningful truths about themselves so they can live up to their highest potential, which is why I loved Joe Pendleton and a couple other characters from Heaven Can Wait. They were able to look beyond what they saw on the outside (aka other people’s bodies) and see something deeper and more meaningful on the inside.

My WHY has provided the authentic direction and courageous inspiration I’ve needed to overcome huge obstacles in my family and my career. It’s made me fearless and fully committed to my own potential, the potential in each of my daughters, and the potential in every one of my clients whom I get to coach everyday, helping turn their purpose into full potential.

HOW TO FIND YOUR WHY IN YOUR MOVIEAre you wondering what your WHY is? If so, find a friend and talk about your childhood movies. This is so fun. Ask each other these questions:

What was the overall theme of the movie? You can also Google that. It will start to give you a sense of your personal life and work theme.Who was your character?What were they able to do, be, or see that made you love them?What were they up against? What was at stake?What impact did this have on your character?YOUR WHY STATEMENTNext, think in terms of your contribution and impact, completing the statement: I exist to _______ (contribution) so that _________ (impact).

I exist to…

to see hidden potential so that people can own their power in the world.to unlock possibilities so that people will have the freedom to live their dream life.to give people a new way to see so that they can shine.to help people see deeper, more meaningful truths about themselves so that they can live up to their highest potential.FIND YOUR WHYYour WHY is the purpose of your life. It’s the mission you were created to complete. Please don’t let another day go by without clearly defining and fully stewarding your WHY. Our world needs what only you have to offer.

If this is something you’d like help with, consider a WHY Discovery Call. In this two hour coaching session, we work together to clearly define and articulate what you are all about. You’ll also learn how to use your WHY to bring inspiration and meaning to your personal and professional life.

What’s your WHY?

In your corner,

DALE

What’s Wrong with Me as A Connecter?

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:09:59 GMT

January 14, 2025

What’s Wrong with Me as A Connecter?

The question that every Connecter asks when faced with one of her limitations is this: What’s wrong with me? First, let me set the record straight. Nothing.NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOULike every other personality type you have weaknesses and gaps. Your weaknesses will be different than the Improvers , Doers , and Stabilizers you know, but that doesn’t mean that anything is wrong with you. Your personality weaknesses are normal and to be expected, and they are just strengths that have gone too far. It’s important to realize this so that you don’t try to deny or hide your weaknesses. Yes, they need management. They need the help of Jesus. But, if you throw out your weaknesses, you throw your strengths out too. When contemplating your “issues,” there are five questions that you as a Connecter usually ask, in an effort to understand yourself. As you read these, I hope that you will keep two things in mind: Nothing is wrong with you. Every Connecter struggles with these weaknesses. Each weakness sources from a strength. This awareness can keep you from abandoning your weakness so it can be used as a strength.THE FIVE CONCERNS OF A CONNECTER:1. Why am I so concerned about what other people think? When you love to make others happy and bring joy to their lives, you’re always scanning the faces of others to see if you’ve been successful. This weakness comes from the strength of being people-oriented. 2. Why can’t I just keep my mouth shut? Because you have the gift of gab and love to connect, it’s easy to get caught up in the moment and share more than you fair share. This weakness comes from the strength of being communicative. 3. Why is it so hard for me to finish what I started? Because you love anything new, you jump in strong, but end up losing steam as the novelty wears off. You’re a starter, not a closer. This weakness comes from the strength of initiative. 4. Why do people think I’m shallow? “It’s all good” can go too far. Too much positivity can sugarcoat reality, minimize pain, and overlook heartache. This weakness comes from the strength of optimism. 5. Why am I so scatterbrained? You and your brain live in a constant state of motion with great ideas popping up all the time. When you let it get too full, it can’t focus. This weakness comes from the strength of creative energy.MANAGE NOT OBSESSThe goal is to manage your weaknesses but not spend all your efforts on them. You need to plug the holes in your boat (the weaknesses), but if you want to actually go somewhere, you’ll need to steward your God-given strengths. For more information on how to manage each of these weaknesses and steward your strengths, check out the Connecter Minibook or learn about the four Authentic Personality Types in What’s Your Mom Type? Discovering God’s Design for You.OTHER AUTHENTIC PERSONALITY TYPESThere are four Authentic Personality Types: Doers: Motivators who direct, dominate, and get stuff done. Stabilizers : Peace-lovers who comfort, calm, and listen. Connecters: Communicators who inspire, energize, and make life fun. Improvers: Thinkers who prepare, plan, and perfect. Learn more about the natural weaknesses of each and every type. This way you can lower expectations and extend grace to those around you.

What’s Wrong with Me as An Improver?

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:01:25 GMT

January 14, 2025

What’s Wrong with Me as An Improver?

The question that every Improver asks when faced with one of her limitations is this: What’s wrong with me? First, let me set the record straight. Nothing.NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOULike every other personality type you have weaknesses and gaps. Your weaknesses will be different than the Doers , Connecters , and Stabilizers you know, but that doesn’t mean that anything is wrong with you. Second, your personality weaknesses are normal and to be expected, and they are just strengths that have gone too far. It’s important to realize this so that you don’t try to deny or hide your weaknesses. Yes, they need management. They need the help of Jesus. But, if you throw out your weaknesses, you throw your strengths out too. When contemplating your “issues,” there are five questions that you, as an Improver, usually ask in an effort to understand yourself. As you read these, I hope that you will keep two things in mind: Nothing is wrong with you. Most every Improver struggles with these weaknesses. Each weakness sources from a strength. This awareness can keep you from abandoning your weakness so it can be used as a strength.THE FIVE CONCERNS OF A CONNECTER:1. Why am I so hard on myself and others? Because you yearn for beauty in its purest and most perfect form, you tend to set the bar high. When you want the best, it’s hard to settle for anything less. This weakness comes from the strength of being quality-focused. 2. Why do I overthink everything? Because you don’t like to make mistakes, you spend unless amounts of time analyzing details. Your brain stays busy rehashing every conversation and mulling over all your options. This weakness comes from the strength of being reflective. 3. Why is my glass half-empty? When you are able to see what’s wrong (so you can make it right), it’s easy to focus on problems. Editors aren’t paid to notice what’s right, instead their job is to see what’s wrong. This weakness comes from the strength of a critical eye. 4. Why is forgiveness so hard for me? You strive to do things right, so you don’t get when others do things wrong. To forgive seems illogical, undeserving, and a set up for future hurt. This weakness comes from the strength of being justice-minded. 5. Why am I so black and white? You like numbers and facts; you don’t like “-ish” or ambiguities. When measurements and calculations are involved, there is no gray area. This weakness comes from the strength of being precise.MANAGE NOT OBSESSFinally, the goal is to manage your weaknesses but not to spend all your efforts on them. You need to plug the leaks in your boat, but if you want to actually go somewhere, you’ll need to steward your God-given strengths. For more information on how to manage each of these weaknesses and steward your strengths, check out the Improver ebook or learn about the four Authentic Personality Types in What’s Your Mom Type? Discovering God’s Design for You.OTHER AUTHENTIC PERSONALITY TYPESThere are four Authentic Personality Types: Doers: Motivators who direct, dominate, and get stuff done. Stabilizers : Peace-lovers who comfort, calm, and listen. Connecters: Communicators who inspire, energize, and make life fun. Improvers: Thinkers who prepare, plan, and perfect. Learn more about the natural weaknesses of each and every type. This way you can lower expectations and extend grace to those around you.

What’s Wrong with Me as A Stabilizer?

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:01:12 GMT

January 14, 2025

What’s Wrong with Me as A Stabilizer?

The question that every Stabilizer asks when faced with one of her limitations is this: What’s wrong with me? First, let me set the record straight. Nothing.NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOULike every other personality type you have weaknesses and gaps. Your weaknesses will be different than the Improvers , Doers , and Connecters you know, but that doesn’t mean that anything is wrong with you. Your personality weaknesses are normal and to be expected, and they are just strengths that have gone too far. It’s important to realize this so that you don’t try to deny or hide your weaknesses. Yes, they need management. They need the help of Jesus. But, if you throw out your weaknesses, you throw your strengths out too. When contemplating your “issues,” there are five questions that you as a Stabilizer usually ask, in an effort to understand yourself. As you read these, I hope that you will keep two things in mind: Nothing is wrong with you. Every Stabilizer struggles with these weaknesses. Each weakness sources from a strength. This awareness can keep you from abandoning your weakness so it can be used as a strength.THE FIVE CONCERNS OF A CONNECTER:1. Why do I feel so responsible for others? Your desire to help can quickly deteriorate into carrying someone else’s load. When you own someone else’s problems, you are taking what doesn’t belong to you. This weakness comes from the strength of being supportive. 2. Why can’t I make a decision? You are often wishy-washy about what you want or need. You like to keep options open so that everyone is happy, but nothing happens while you wait. This weakness comes from the strength of being patient. 3. Why don’t I stand up for myself? You’re a lover, not a fighter. To a fault. You are so willing to give grace, that you shrug off too much. This weakness comes from the strength of tolerance. 4. Why am I so overwhelmed? Noise, clutter, and a long to-do list wear you out and shut you down, causing stuff to collect and keeping chores from being completed. This weakness comes from the strength of being singularly focused. 5. Why do I sometimes feel indifferent? You are so laid back and restful that you can check right out, disengaging from the people and experiences around you. This leaves others wondering if you really care. This weakness comes from the strength of peacefulness.MANAGE NOT OBSESSThe goal is to manage your weaknesses but not spend all your efforts on them. You need to plug the holes in your boat (the weaknesses), but if you want to actually go somewhere, you’ll need to steward your God-given strengths. For more information on how to manage each of these weaknesses and steward your strengths, check out the Stabilizer Minibook or learn about the four Authentic Personality Types in What’s Your Mom Type? Discovering God’s Design for You.OTHER AUTHENTIC PERSONALITY TYPESThere are four Authentic Personality Types: Doers: Motivators who direct, dominate, and get stuff done. Stabilizers : Peace-lovers who comfort, calm, and listen. Connecters: Communicators who inspire, energize, and make life fun. Improvers: Thinkers who prepare, plan, and perfect. Learn more about the natural weaknesses of each and every type. This way you can lower expectations and extend grace to those around you.

What’s Your Authentic Mom Type?

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:00:44 GMT

January 14, 2025

What’s Your Authentic Mom Type?

The moment your child was born, you became a member of the IMA, International Mom Association. (Actually the IMA isn’t really a thing. I just made it up.) You survived nine months of indigestion, insomnia, and hormone-induced insanity for this great honor. If you became a mom through adoption, surrogacy, or fostering, you’re also in the IMA after surviving your own set of challenges. Welcome to the club. Back in 1996 when my first daughter arrived, I thought I was walking into a maternal sisterhood, a community of like-minded mothers with similar thoughts, feelings, and ways of doing things. I thought we’d all sit around in a kumbaya kind of way and agree on what was most important for our kids. Boy, was I wrong. Everyone was different. There were tiger mothers, attachment mamas, and moms who were a hot mess. (That might have been me.) I met zen moms, cool moms, granola moms, and competitive moms. There were as many dif- ferent moms as cereals in the breakfast aisle at the grocery store. And I found myself scratching my head, like I often do in the cereal aisle, as I asked myself, What kind of mom do I want to be? Great news! You don’t have to wrestle with that question because God has already given you a distinct personality as a mom. He’s as- signed to you a special slice of His image, crafted specifically for your family, uniquely designed to meet their needs. So what type of mom are you?THE 4 MOM TYPESWhich type are you? Take the Mom Test to find out.

What Your Emotions Are Trying to Tell You About Meaning

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 17:50:03 GMT

January 14, 2025

What Your Emotions Are Trying to Tell You About Meaning

WHAT YOUR EMOTIONS ARE TRYING TO TELL YOU ABOUT MEANING

The first time I went to therapy was a little disappointing. About 15 minutes in, the therapist asked me a question, I don’t even remember what it was now. I do remember that I put my head in my hands and started to cry. My therapist immediately leaned in and asked what had made me sad. I looked up at him and said, “Sad? I have no idea. That’s what I’m paying you for.”

It’s hard for some of us to recognize our emotions.

EMOTIONS AND MEANING

But when we lack an awareness of our emotions we miss out on what those emotions are trying to tell us, especially when it comes to meaning.

If I were to ask you right now what activities are most meaningful to you, you might be hard pressed to come up with an answer. Meaning is one of those things that you recognize when you see or feel it, but is often hard to define off the top of your head.

And that is where emotions come in handy. Becoming aware of your emotions, especially a certain category of emotions, can help you determine exactly what is meaningful so you can do more of those things, especially in your career.

If you want to really love what you do, you have to become more emotional about work.

EMOTIONAL TUTORIAL

The category of emotions that I am referring to is Powerful. But let me back up just a bit. There are six basic categories of emotions: Mad, Sad, Scared, Powerful, Peaceful, and Joyful. All the feelings that you could ever experience fall into one of these six groups.

When your needs are unmet, you will feel an emotion from one of the negative categories: mad, sad or scared. But when your needs are met, you will feel a positive feeling that falls underneath the heading of powerful, peaceful or joyful.

For example, when your needs for rest are met you will feel some form of peaceful. When your needs for play are met, you will feel some form of joyful. And here it comes…when your needs for purpose and meaning are met, you will feel some version of powerful. Powerful emotions signal significant, purposeful work. These are your moments of meaning, and they are probably happening without you even realizing it.

POWERFUL EMOTIONS

There are twelve types of powerful feelings. They are:

proud
important
hopeful
appreciated
faithful
respected
confident
intelligent
worthwhile
valuable
satisfied
cheerful

Pay close attention to these feelings during the day because they signal meaningful activities and experiences, work you’ll want to do more of if you want to live on mission.

AN ATTORNEY LEARNS FROM HIS EMOTIONS

Brandon is a litigation support attorney and a former client of mine. During my first meeting with Brandon, he told me that it was time for a radical change. He was planning to pivot into a brand-new career because after 12 years as an attorney, he was burned out and disenchanted with the law. Yes, he could make partner in another 3 years and yes, he had been quite successful, but as he said “there’s still something terminal under the hood.” When I asked him what he meant by that he said, “Dale no matter how many cases I win or how much money I make, the work just doesn’t feel meaningful.”

We started with some career and personality assessments and I had him look for powerful emotions during his day. The best way to do this, and what I suggested to Brandon, is to catch yourself feeling your feelings.

I had him set several timers on his phone that would go off at different times throughout the day. Whenever the timer went off, he would stop what he was doing, notice his emotion, and write it down. Like this,

7:28a hostile

I think he needed more coffee.

11:15a intelligent

12:45p valuable

4:30p discouraged

I had him do this for a week. But like me, Brandon wasn’t great at recognizing his emotions, so I gave him a Feelings Wheel to help.

FEELINGS WHEEL

A feelings wheel makes this process much easier, because multiple choice is always easier than fill in the blank.

D ownload your copy here.

This Feelings Wheel gives you seventy-two choices to assess what’s going on inside you, twelve for each core emotion: sad, mad, scared, peaceful, powerful, or joyful. The emotions in the two outside rings provide variations of those six base emotions. When determining what you are feeling, choose emotions from the two outer rings. There is nothing significant about the second versus the third ring. They are all equal variations of the base emotion.

If you identify an emotion from the pink wedge, then you’re feeling some version of joyful. If the word that best describes your state is in the green zone, then you are feeling some version of peaceful. You can be feeling multiple emotions, from different wedges, at the same time.

The yellow wedge indicates powerful emotions. These are feelings that point toward meaningful activities and experiences. When you are feeling any of the twelve emotions in the two yellow outer rings, in addition to the feeling of “powerful”, you are making a significant contribution or meaningful impact. Take note of what you have done that is giving you that feeling so you can do more of it, offering your best self to those around you.

WHAT BRANDON LEARNED ABOUT MEANING

I had intended for this exercise to show Brandon what activities were meaningful to him that would point to other career options, but it actually had a different effect.

Brandon started to realize that there were more meaningful moments in his current job than he had been aware of. He often felt intelligent and valuable (two of the powerful emotions) when he was evaluating whether employees would qualify as claimants. He loved this part of his job because it aligned so well with his strengths of analysis and discernment. And he often lost track of time, an indicator of “flow,” the state of ultimate engagement and productivity when you do your very best work. Flow happens in meaningful moments.

In the end Brandon decided to stay where he was, in his firm, because when you tune into your emotions, sometimes you don’t have to look any further than your own backyard to make your difference.

EMOTIONS & CALLING

I’ve logged many coaching and counseling hours in my life and can proudly say that I’m now aware of my emotions. This one skill has allowed me to uncover deeper meaning in my life and pursue what really matters. And it provided the direction I needed when my former life as a full time mom and part time faith based speaker came to an abrupt end and I had to pivot. The meaning that surfaced from my emotions led me to the work I do now as a professional life and career coach, keynote speaker, and course creator.

If you are searching for more meaning in your life or work, trying to make sense of your projects and understand what they have to do with your purpose, I can help. You have been equipped with strengths and talents that are meant to be used and a mission that you have been called to complete. Please don’t let one more day go in which you settle for work that provides only a paycheck or a path to advancement. You were designed for so much more. Live your calling, every moment of every day.

Take the Quiz to see if your life is full of meaning. Get the Meaningful Work quiz to see if there is enough meaning in your work.

When No One Is Speaking Your Love Language

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 17:41:46 GMT

January 14, 2025

When No One Is Speaking Your Love Language

Each of us has our own love language or combination of love languages that must be spoken in order to fill our love tank. Your love language is usually different than the love language of those around you, meaning they’ll have to learn a new language if you are going to feel loved.

Let’s say your husband has been speaking Acts of Service all his life because it’s his native love language. He’s been loving you by all the chores and activities he does for you, but Acts of Service isn’t your love language, Words of Affirmation is. Sure, you’ve got clean laundry and a manicured lawn, but your love tank is running low, because what you crave is a kind word or encouraging chat.

When you’re not spoken to in your native tongue you can start to feel unloved and unappreciated, drained and running on fumes. Many women I talk to complain about just this thing. They notice and practice the love languages of their family and friends, filling up their tanks, but they are not getting filled up in return.

If you find yourself in this situation, I’ve got a few tips for you:

1. KNOW YOUR LOVE LANGUAGE

If no one knows what your language is, it’s not likely anyone will be able to speak it, so first you must understand how you “speak” love. The first thing to do is take the quiz to determine your love language. This is a quick and easy way to start.

Next, think about the gestures that have made your heart swoon. Were they about words spoken, time spent, gifts given, acts done on your behalf, or the touch of another? What you love receiving is the love language that your emotional heart yearns to hear spoken.

Finally, know yourself.

Your love language is part of your unique nature. While it’s not exact, I do see connections between love languages and Authentic Personality types.

Doers usually have the love language of Acts of Service . Nothing says love more than making dinner or sweeping the floor.

Connecters usually have Words of Affirmation as their love language because communication is so integral in their life. Sometimes they have Gifts or Physical Touch . Their generous nature and affectionate ways (that’s why they have no need for personal space) lends itself to these languages.

Improvers often prefer Quality Time because they desire quality relationships that go deep.

Stabilizers , I’ll admit, are not as easy to nail down. Sometimes they love Gifts because they are so giving. Other times they prefer Quality Time because they see and hear others so well.

The journey to your authentic self requires that you know who you are at a deep level. A deeper dive into your personality blend can explain your needs, motivators, and stressors. This type of knowledge puts you into the driver’s seat of your strengths and helps you manage your triggers.

2. TELL OTHERS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LANGUAGE

Tell your spouse, your children, your friends, and your extended family what makes you feel loved.

Give them specific examples. If making the bed or cleaning the shower ( Acts of Service ) makes you feel loved, tell them. If a backrub or foot massage fills your tank ( Physical Touch ) request one or both. Your friends and family are not mind readers and they are not supposed to know you better than you know yourself.

This is usually pretty tricky for women because it can feel a bit self-centered to ask for what you need, especially when you’re expected to meet everyone else’s needs. I, however, see this type of admission not as an act of selfishness but as an act of humility. It’s wonderfully vulnerable to admit that you need something because it puts you in the position of receiver rather than giver, “in need” rather than meeting needs. Humility is an essential element in your pursuit of authenticity.

In the work world, love languages are called languages of appreciation and still important to share. Let your boss know how you like to be rewarded for a job well done. Is it public recognition ( Words of Affirmation ) or a Starbuck gift card ( Gifts )? Let your coworker know if you like a high-five or pat on the back ( Physical Touch) . Schedule retreats or face-to-face conversations if you are into Quality Time . And tell others that when they help you with projects ( Acts of Service ), you feel most appreciated.

3. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR LOVE TANK

If others in your life are not willing or able to speak your love language, make sure to you are taking ownership of your needs.

If you’re a Gifts guy or girl, treat yo’ self. It doesn’t have to be expensive, just a little something that activates the reward center of your brain. Now, if you do have some cash, get yourself something you’ve always wanted, something that you secretly hoped someone else would buy for you.

If you’re into Quality Time , take yourself on a date. Go for a walk or a bike ride. Journal. Give yourself some undivided attention.

If Physical Touch fills your tank, get a manicure, pedicure or massage. Go big! The deluxe pedicure at my favorite nail place is only $5 more and it includes a hot paraffin wax treatment. I love that part.

For you Acts of Service men and women, hire a housekeeper or a landscape company. Sure, we know you’re capable of doing all that housework. That’s not the point. You’ll actually feel loved by letting someone else do your work.

For those with the Words of Affirmation language, talk to yourself. Ditch your inner critic and say the things that you long to hear. Write yourself notes on your bathroom mirror. Remind yourself that you are beautiful, powerful, and a very snappy dresser.

For more information on the self-care needs of your Authentic Personality Type , check out these blogs:

The Energy Drainers and Gainers of a Stabilizer

The Energy Drainers and Gainers of a Improver

The Energy Drainers and Gainers of a Doer

The Energy Drainers and Gainers of a Connecter

A Divine Perspective

Be on the lookout for the many ways that God has been speaking your love language all along. He didn’t create you with a love tank that could not be filled, and He didn’t place you at the mercy of others as your only source of love. He promises to meet all your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus (Phillipians 4:19).

I hope today your tank runneth over!

In your corner,

When Your Work Feels Like Groundhog Day Again

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 17:40:52 GMT

January 14, 2025

When Your Work Feels Like Groundhog Day Again

“What would you do if you were stuck in one place AND everyday was exactly the same AND nothing you did mattered?” -Phil Connors, Groundhog Day

Ever had that feeling? I mean really, who hasn’t?

A study on wellbeing conducted by the CDC in 2010 confirmed that it’s happening to a lot of us. Twenty-five percent of Americans, about 100 million people, do not have a strong sense of what makes their lives meaningful, keeping us stuck in Groundhog Day over and over again.

Meaning is at the heart of this matter.

WHAT’S MEANING?

Meaning is the degree to which your life has purpose, value, and impact. It’s both the thought and feeling that what you are doing is making a difference.

When things never change or tasks are stuck on repeat, your efforts feel pointless making it hard to find meaning. Recurring crises, persistent busy work, and never-ending issues top the list.

Since a good amount of life and work does involve repetitive tasks, where do we find meaning?

A MEANING MINDSET

First of all, it’s important to remember that meaning is a mindset. Mindset is any attitude you take toward work that dictates your experience of it. A mindset is a collection of your thoughts and beliefs and with a little work, can always change.

If you have a positive mindset toward work, you’ll expect things to go well.

If you have a growth mindset toward work, you’ll see opportunities for learning.

And if you have a meaning mindset toward work, you’ll be able to see the significance in most everything you do, including the boring stuff.

MEANING IS ALL AROUND YOU

According to Emily E. Smith, positive psychologist and author of The Power of Meaning: Crafting a Life that Matters, there are four pillars of meaning. They are belonging, purpose, storytelling, and transcendence. Meaning can be found in any one of these areas, but a combination of them all will create your fullest life. Let’s look at each one.

Meaning is found in quality relationships. These are the kind of connections in which there is mutual care as well as frequent positive interactions. Shared experiences and personal revelations with others lead to more meaningful relationships at home or work.

Meaning is found in purpose. When you take the time to consider the reason for your activity, like who it serves or how it makes life better, you’ll see meaning in the mundane. Asking yourself questions such as What strengths am I using?, What would happen without this work?, How am I helping my whole team? will give you eyes to see deeper meaning.

Use this Mining for Meaning worksheet to uncover meaning in your work.

Meaning is found in storytelling. When you can look at the chapters of your life and make sense of what has happened to you, you’re tapping into meaning. Storytelling involves making sense of suffering, finding the good in the bad, and seeing your story as one of redemption. Instead of thinking that some life event has happened to you, meaning is found when you can explore the way it has occurred for you.

Finally meaning is found in transcendence, the connection you have to something bigger than yourself. Transcendence involves awe and mystery and for many of us, faith in God. Faith is the ultimate trust in meaning. When you experience meaning in this way, you are able to rest easy knowing that everything that touches your life has been sifted through the hands of a loving and intentional God. You may not understand why things happen, but the connection to faith in God, gives each event or experience meaning, as you accept it and at the same time embrace the awe and mystery.

HOW TO GET A MEANING MINDSET

In addition to developing the four pillars in your personal and professional life, there are a few more things you can do to adopt a meaning mindset.

1. Notice your emotions.

Whenever you feel proud, important, hopeful, appreciated, respected, confident, intelligent, worthwhile, valuable, or satisfied you are experiencing one of the powerful emotions. Powerful emotions signal significant work. These are your moments of meaning, and they are probably happening more often than you know. Download the Feeling Wheel to learn more about your emotions.

2. Hire your job.

In his book, The Happiness Advantage, positive psychologist Shawn Achor, describes a quick and easy way to find meaning in your work: pretend you have to hire someone to do it. This way you get into sales mode, looking for the good in what you do, and ultimately tapping into the meaning of your work.

3. Write your eulogy.

It’s not easy to think about the end of your life, but if you have the courage to go there, you’ll find out what is truly meaningful to you.

Start by thinking of all the people you want to be at your funeral: your spouse or significant other, your parents and children, your friends and extended family, your neighbors, co-workers, bosses, and employees, as well as those that you were sent here to serve.

Next, decide what would you like each one of these people to be able to say about you and your relationship with them. What did you do for or with them? How did your actions or your words impact their life?

Finally, reverse engineer your discoveries by clarifying the actions you can take now to make those eulogies come true. These become the most meaningful goals you could ever set.

DON’T SETTLE FOR LESS THAN MEANINGFUL

You were designed with strengths, gifts, and purpose. There is meaning in your personality and what you uniquely have to offer our world. There is meaning in your areas of gifting and the contribution only you can make. And there is meaning in your purpose, the very specific mission you are here to complete in pursuit of the vision you have for our world.

When life feels boring or overly busy, go deeper. Never settle for a surface level understanding of your work or, as often happens, your value. You are here to make a difference, whether for one or for many. You matter. Your meaning matters. Don’t rest until you are clear what that is.

For extra credit, check out the resources in our Fullest Life Essentials . And if you’d like more support, I would love to talk to you about turning your purpose into your fullest potential. Book a call today.

In your corner,

Your Job Is Not Your Purpose

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 17:39:18 GMT

January 14, 2025

Your Job Is Not Your Purpose

I was sitting on the couch watching tv church on Youtube about a month ago. I’ve got my tea in one hand and my husband’s hand in the other. My pastor started talking about the pressure he has felt to meet the world’s expectations and how hard it is to stay true to your calling. I could not agree more.

And then he shared his big revelation: “I’m a pastor,” he says, “It’s my purpose!”

That’s when I lost it. I dropped my husband’s hand, slam my tea onto the coffee table, and started yelling at the screen.

“No, it’s not! “Pastor” is not your purpose, it’s your role!”

My husband wasn’t fazed. He knows that I’m on a mission to help people do meaningful work so they can be all they are meant to be. He smiles because he knows that I get really mad when someone says something, especially in front of a boatload of people, that stands in the way of that mission.

YOUR ROLE IS NOT YOUR PURPOSE

Your role is not your purpose. Whether you’re a banker, editor, or even a pastor, your job is WHAT you do, not WHY you exist. Your purpose is big enough to include all your roles and responsibilities—husband, wife, mom, dad, brother, sister, friend, neighbor, worker—but it is not bound by any of them.

Your purpose is bigger than any WHAT. It’s also broader than any WHO or any WHERE.

A WHO IS NOT YOUR WHY

Sometimes we think our purpose is defined by those around us, the WHOs in our lives. This is especially true for caretaking professions like nurses, teachers, and parents. When your job involves serving people up close and personal, it’s easy to let their wishes become your WHY. You respond to needs, stay alert to desires, and care for them in any way you can.

But a WHO is not your purpose either. Those that you serve might be recipients of your purpose, but they don’t define your purpose. God does. You are here for a reason, wired with specific strengths and certain gifts by your Creator, to live out His purpose for you. When you allow a WHO to determine your WHY, you’ve crossed over into codependency and allowed someone else’s behavior to determine yours. Not good.

A WHERE IS NOT YOUR WHY

Sometimes it’s not WHAT you do, that gets in the way, as much as WHERE you are going. This is common for driven professionals who classify their work as a career. When you think in terms of WHERE you’re headed, it’s easy to become hyper-focused on results and lose sight of the process.

WHEREs make you feel accomplished and busy. They provide a clear path to advancement and a great sense of accomplishment. The problem is that a WHERE is like a hamster wheel that never lets you off. You can’t stop pursuing your WHERE or you won’t know who you are. Your identity has become entangled in the pursuit or attainment of a goal, not in meaningful work .

WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE?

Your purpose is not a WHAT, WHO, or WHERE. Your purpose is a WHY. It explains what you are here to accomplish that you have been equipped to do. Your personality , core values , and vision for the world all speak to your WHY.

Your purpose is the story of your heart. It’s the story your life is supposed to tell if you don’t get caught up in WHATs, WHOs, or WHEREs. An understanding of your purpose starts with self-knowledge. What are your signature strengths ? What are your meaningful motivators ? It’s so important to know what you are all about because your design points to your purpose. But self-discovery is not a means to an end. Self-help is meant to lead to others-help, the unique contribution you are here to make.

POTENTIAL IS FOUND IN PURPOSE

Your purpose is all about others and coincidentally, your purpose is the most direct way to tap your highest potential. In his book, Big Potential, positive psychologist, Shawn Achor describes several ways to hit your highest potential, a topic in which I’m fascinated.

We used to think that extrinsic rewards like salaries and incentive plans could motivate employees to tap potential, but that proved to be short-lived. Then we turned to intrinsic motivators like interest, challenge, and opportunities for advancement. But that too fell short. What we’ve found is that full potential and top performance are unleashed when you make your work about purpose, contributing to others.

Take the time now to define your purpose. When you do, you’ll be able to make your job a calling, a great place to live your WHY.

PURPOSEFUL WORK

If you’re looking for a quick and easy way to find purposeful work, check out our new digital course, Career Kickstart: 30 Days to Your Ideal Job.

Are You in The Languishing Funk?

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 17:34:32 GMT

January 14, 2025

Are You in The Languishing Funk?

Combat the increasing numbness or 'languishing' by appreciating positivity, fostering optimistic expectations, seeking purpose in tasks, and frequently questioning your actions' significance.

I’M NOT QUITE MYSELF THESE DAYS

I’m getting work done but I don’t feel like I’m making progress. I’m scattered, less focused than usual. My goals, the ones I set months ago, either feel REALLY big right now or not as interesting as once thought. Staying upbeat and positive is taking more work and just yesterday I wrote in my journal that I feel empty. What’s up with that?

A high achieving client shared a similar experience with me. She’s managing her work load but finding less joy than usual there. She’s exercising, eating pretty well, but spending way too much time binge watching Netflix. She’s also noticed that she is becoming more of a loner than she would like, but isn’t really motivated to do anything about it. What’s going on? she wanted to know.

We are languishing, that’s what.

SIGNS YOU ARE LANGUISHING

You are having difficult to making decisions
You feel flat, numb, or lack joy
You feel stuck and can’t seem to make progress
You are not doing your best work
You feel lost and can’t see the way forward
You are isolating even though you’re sick of isolation
You are one step up from depression
You don’t know where you belong anymore

STUCK IN LANGUISHING

According to the New York Times article by organizational psychologist, Adam Grant, There’s a Name for the Blah You’re Feeling, languishing may be the dominant emotion of 2021.

Languishing is a middle-of-the-road emotion that happens in the space between depression and flourishing, which admittedly is a pretty big space. As a feeling, languishing is like the color beige, or the flavor vanilla, or the lifeless response, I’m fine.

The languishing YOU is just kind of there.

Which isn’t horrible or criminal, but it is a loss for those people in your life who love your authentic contribution, your engaged presence, or your vibrant energy—the flourishing YOU.

This is important, says the father of positive psychology, Martin Seligman, in his book, Flourish, because the mood you are in determines more than 70 % of how much life satisfaction you report and how well you judge your life to be going at that moment determines less than 30 %.

Did you catch that? You are more likely to use your feelings as a gauge rather than your circumstances when thinking about the state of your life. Which means that if you are languishing, you’re probably overlooking your worth, undervaluing your work, and missing out on the fullness that life has to offer right here and now.

THE FLOURISHING YOU

Flourishing has been defined as the combination of positive emotion, engagement, meaning, and purpose. So here are four actions you can take right now, one for each of these core components, to combat languishing and cultivate flourishing.

1. SAVOR

When something good happens in your life: you receive a compliment or a word of thanks, you achieve a goal, or you hear a child laugh out loud, savor the moment. By taking just 10 seconds to marinate in that positive experience, you will move the needle on your negativity bias up a few notches.

2. ANTICIPATE

When feeling disengaged, consider your expectations. Do you expect work to be mundane or boring? Are you anticipating the same ole thing day after day? If what you seek, you will find, then start anticipating interest and engagement. Ask God to surprise you. Expect a blessing today.

3. MINE

Meaning is the degree to which your life has purpose, value, and impact. Any task can have meaning if you dig below the surface and mine it for meaning. Ask yourself these three questions when a wave of languishing washes over you.

4. ASK

Purposeful people are always asking Why. Why do I want to be VP? Why am I spending so much time on this project. Why am I here? Purposeful questions lead to purposeful answers and a sense that what you are doing matters. And if you find that what you are doing doesn’t matter, make a change. There is no better time than right now to be the person you’ve always dreamed of being.

Are you living your fullest life? Take the Quiz .

Want to know about the 8 Essentials of a Life to the Full? Click here.

In your corner,

Connecter Women of The Bible

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 02:28:23 GMT

January 14, 2025

Connecter Women of The Bible

MIRIAM

Because of the lack of information about certain biblical characters, we can only make an educated guess about their personality type, but I’m pretty certain Miriam was a Connecter.

Miriam, a prophetess and Moses’ sister, was called by God to pour forth His words and act as His spokeswoman. What better job is there for a Connecter than as a spokeswoman? Miriam also seemed like a heck of a lot of fun. After God parted the Red Sea, Miriam grabbed an instrument and in her inspirational way, persuaded the women to form a dancing parade:

Then Miriam, the prophetess, Aaron’s sister, took a tambourine in her hand, and all the women followed her, with tambourines and dancing. Miriam sang to them: “Sing to the Lord, for He is highly exalted. The horse and its rider He has hurled into the sea. (Genesis 15:20-21)

Can you feel Miriam’s energy and her ability to infuse joy into a crowd? Her actions demonstrate spontaneity, a celebratory nature, optimism, creativity, and musicality—all strengths of a Connecter. But she also possessed the blind spots of a Connecter.

In Numbers 12:2, Miriam talked against Moses to her brother Aaron. “Has the LORD spoken only through Moses? Hasn’t He also spoken through us?”In other words, “Why is our brother getting all the attention? Aren’t we just as worthy to be heard?” Miriam felt a twinge of invisibility because she wasn’t the center of attention. Her impulsive words proved to be her undoing. God punished her rash speech by giving her leprosy. Ouch! Leprosy would have been the ultimate punishment for a Connecter like Miriam, separating her from the company of others. The isolation would likely have been more painful than the disease itself. Fortunately, Moses prayer for Miriam restored her to both health and community.

MARY MAGDALENE

Mary Magdalene, one of Jesus’ closest female companions, also exhibits Connecter qualities.

Jesus healed Mary Magdalene by driving seven demons from her. From that moment on, Mary Magdalene traveled with Jesus. Connecters love the adventure of new places and new people, so this would have been right up her alley. She showed Connecter-like generosity in her financial support of Jesus (Luke 8:2-3). Not wanting to lose her connection with Him, Mary bravely witnessed His crucifixion and burial, prioritizing their close relationship over the experience of excruciating pain.

When she visited Jesus’ tomb and found it empty, Mary ran, not walked, with Connecter-like energy to Peter and cried to him with Connecter-like emotion, “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we don’t know where they have put him!” Remember, Connecters tend to lose stuff and they have a secret fear about misplacing something important, so the thought of losing Jesus horrified her. Later, before Jesus ascended to heaven, Jesus talked with Mary and with Connecter-like affection, she grabbed and held on to Him for dear life.

NAOMI

Naomi, whose story is told in the book of Ruth, is likely a Connecter.

Naomi means “my joy,” “my bliss,” or “pleasantness of Jehovah.” Her very name suggests the optimism and happiness of a Connecter. Naomi’s story begins in Ruth 1 where we see she and her husband move from Judah to the foreign land of Moab. Like Mary, Naomi would have loved the novelty and adventure in that move. But in Moab, tragically, her husband and both sons die, so Naomi decides to return to her connections in Judah. I believe her widowed status and troubled life reduced her to a shadow of her former self, impacting her sunny appearance to the point that she was unrecognizable to her family and friends.

“Can this be Naomi?” they asked. “Don’t call me Naomi,” she told them. “Call me Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very bitter.I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi? The Lord has afflicted me; the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me. Ruth 1:19-21

But God was not done with Naomi. As Herbert Lockyer states in All the Women of the Bible, “Although her character came to be purged and enhanced by her suffering, Naomi had an innate nobility that gave her personality an irresistible charm.” God did not mean for her suffering to crush her personality, but to enhance it. In the end, Naomi recognized God’s goodness as He renewed her life and sustained her in her old age. “Because of the manifold changes in her life, Naomi came to fear God in a deeper way.” One of the most beautiful things God does to a Connecter, is transform their surface-level happy into deep and abiding joy.

These women represent the best that Connecters have to offer. Qualities like inspiration, fun, and joy mixed with a love of people, communication, and connection demonstrate an aspect of God’s character that we all need to see.

For more information on a Connecter’s strengths, weaknesses, leadership style, anger trigger, and self care needs check out the Connecter ebook.

Stabilizer Women of The Bible

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 02:25:42 GMT

January 14, 2025

Stabilizer Women of The Bible

According to the Institute for Motivational Living, Stabilizers are the largest portion of the population. Although quiet and unassuming, we can see these women in the pages of the Bible, loving and serving God while reflecting His caring and peaceful nature.ABIGAILAbigail, the wife of Nabal, displays several Stabilizer qualities in her interactions with her husband, David, and David’s men. In 1 Samuel 25 Abigail is described as an intelligent and beautiful woman, while Nabal was “surly and mean in his dealings.” One of his servants describes him as “such a wicked man that no one can talk to him” (v 17), except of course, Abigail. Stabilizers, locked and loaded with gifts of mediation, are heroes in dealing with difficult people. When David’s men, who were very good to Nabal, were insulted by him, “Abigail acted quickly” and diplomatically in Stabilizer form, remaining loyal to her husband while diffusing the tension between him and David. She buffered the strong feelings on both sides and absorbed the blame (v 23-24). David praised her ability to bring peace when he said, “Bless you for keeping me from murder and taking charge of looking our for me” (v. 25 MSG). Don’t we all need an Abigail in our corner?RUTHRuth, the Moabitess, demonstrated her compassion and loyalty toward her mother-in-law, Naomi, who in her earlier years had been a pleasant woman but later became bitter through the loss of her family. In typical Stabilizer fashion, Ruth tells Naomi that she will stay with her no matter what, even in a strange and foreign land. “For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried” (Ruth 1:16). If that’s not loyalty and devotion, I don’t know what is. Once in that foreign land, Ruth willingly took on a lowly job, gleaning in the fields, to support her mother-in-law. Humble to the end, God rewarded her faithfulness and gave Ruth a noble man, making her a key link in the lineage of Christ.MARYI believe that God chose a Stabilizer to be the mother of our Lord and His only begotten Son. When visited by an angel who told her some pretty crazy things (you’ll become the mother of God and sex will not be needed), this was Mary’s reply, “I am the Lord’s servant, may it be to me as you have said.” Only a Stabilizer, with a heart for service and support, could so readily relinquish control and be completely available to such miraculous events. In their book on the leadership styles of Jesus, Ken Voges and Mike Kempainen describe her response like this, A statement of compliance to the will of another. An attitude of being a team player, letting some one else make the plans. A willingness to fit in, and be helpful, fulfilling a niche that possibly no one else could fill. Throughout scripture, from the events surrounding Jesus’s birth all the way up to his death, we see Mary being adaptable, flexible, cooperative and modest.HANNAHanna, mother of the prophet Samuel, resembles Mary in the way she willingly surrendered her child to God’s plan, leading me to believe that she, too, was a Stabilizer. She lived a hard life, sharing her husband with another woman, “her rival who provoked her till she wept” and remaining childless “year after year” (1 Samuel 1:7). But Hanna didn’t get nasty. She didn’t retaliate, grumble, or take her sorrow out on others. She turned inward (the private orientation of a Stabilizer) and upward as she prayed to God and in a stance of surrender, offered any child He might give her, back to Him. When God finally did answer Hannah’s prayer by giving her the son she had asked for, she praised God in a prayer (1 Samuel 2:1-10) that was the model for Mary’s Magnificat (Luke 1:46-55), acknowledging that God sees the humble and exalts them with honor, an experience that was near and dear to her heart. These women represent the best that Stabilizers have to offer: qualities like kindness and loyalty stemming from a heart devoted to peace and service. The beauty of their authentic personalities reflects some of the more subtle yet deeply meaningful aspects of God’s character that our hearts yearn for. For more information on Stabilizer strengths, weaknesses, leadership style, anger trigger, and self-care needs check out the Stabilizer ebook.

The Emotional Part of An Authentic Life

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 02:25:30 GMT

January 14, 2025

The Emotional Part of An Authentic Life

Several years ago, I was checking in to my very hot yoga class, when I overheard two teachers behind the desk talking about emotions. One of them said with complete confidence, “I can always tell what people are feeling. If I don’t see it on their face, I can smell it in their sweat.” Then she glanced my way and said, “especially anger.” Why was she looking at me? Did I have angry sweat? I had been in her class before so she might have caught a whiff of me. Holy cow. I suddenly felt shame and embarrassment. What if I was walking around reeking of anger? What if they were talking about me, the angry one, in the yoga break room? What if they knew something about me that I didn’t even know? I felt judged, and judgment always makes me want to hide. But how do you hide an angry smell at yoga when it’s flooding out your pores? Do you stand in the back? Change studios? Douse yourself in lavender before you even arrive? My mind was busy for the first twenty minutes of class trying to figure it all out, but then somewhere between Standing Head to Knee and Balancing Stick Pose, a new thought occurred to me. What’s wrong with smelling like anger? (Hey, if you’re going to smell like anger, you might as well take advantage of it.)EMOTIONS ARE THE LANGUAGE OF THE SOULAnger not a sin. Ephesians 4:26 proves it when Paul instructs us to “Be angry and do not sin.” What you do with your anger might be a sin (we’ve all been there) but anger itself is not a sin. It’s a human emotion, given by God, and necessary for an authentic life, much like sadness, fear, happiness and peacefulness. Emotions are the language of the soul. As Dan Allender and Tremper Longman say, “Emotions give the heart a voice.” They are a form of expression that indicate what’s going on inside of us and can help us understand ourselves and grow our relationship with God if we don’t ignore them. As Augustine wrote in Confessions in 400AD, “How can you draw close to God when you are far from your own self?” Many of us have been taught at home or in church that emotions are dangerous or frivolous and not to be considered. Don’t trust your feelings, we learned, for they will lead you away from the truth of God. Yes, you can be joyful and content, but do not get angry, sad or feel afraid—those emotions as we’ve been told, are counter to the Christian life. So, we distance ourselves from what we feel, paying no attention to our sensations, and wonder why we don’t experience an authentic life.EMOTIONS ARE FROM GODHere and now, let’s put to rest this notion that emotions are bad or ungodly. Ecclesiastes 3:1 tells us that “there is a time and a season for everything“, including every emotion. Verse 4 says, “a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.” In Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, Peter Scazzero, says this: Scripture reveals God as an emotional being who feels-a Person. Having been created in His image, we also were created with the gift to feel and experience emotions. Consider the following: God saw that it was good…very good” (Genesis 1:25, 31). In other words, God delighted, relished, beamed with delight over us. The LORD grieved that he had made man on the earth, and his heart was filled with pain” (Genesis 6:6) “I, the LORD you God, am a jealous God” (Exodus 20:5). “For a long time I have kept silent, I have been quiet…But now…I cry out, I gasp and pant” (Isaiah 42:14). “The fierce anger of the LORD will not turn back until he fully accomplished the purposes of his heart” (Jeremiah 30:24). God is emotional and so are you. Your emotions are part of your authentic design are intended to lead you to the real you.EMOTIONS AS INDICATORSAn awareness of your emotions can also lead you to more authentic actions. If you are angry, it’s an indicator that you are not getting what you want or you are getting what you don’t want. Anger arises to mobilizes you to action. In my earlier yoga example, I was getting judgment that I didn’t want. It may not have even been coming from the yoga teacher, but I know it was coming from inside of me. I had believed the lie that anger was bad so I felt judged. Healthy anger moved me to fight against that lie and stand for truth. If you are angry, what limit do you need to set? What action do you need to take? If you are sad, it’s an indicator that you’ve experienced a loss. Sadness helps you to grieve your losses and accept a new reality. What loss do you need to recognize? What needs to be grieved so that you can move on? If you are scared, it’s an indicator that God is absent, at least from your awareness. “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out all fear” (1 John 4:18), so fear and love cannot exist together. The areas in which you are afraid (finances, relationships, health, or the future) indicate areas where God’s love is missing in your heart. What fear needs to be acknowledged? Where do you need to invite God’s love in? If you are happy, it’s an indicator that you need to praise and rejoice. Happiness allows you to celebrate the goodness of God, be open to the possibilities before you, and share His glory with others. What do you need to thank God for? What good news can you share with others? Go forth and recognize your emotions, so you can understand what is going on in your authentic soul. Then let your feelings lead you the authentic actions needed to love God, yourself and others. In the next post, I’ll share a tool to help you identify your emotions and disclose the main emotion of each personality type.

The Beginning of An Authentic Life

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 02:25:22 GMT

January 14, 2025

The Beginning of An Authentic Life

This post begins a series of blogs, each describing one of the Eight Essentials of Authenticity.

This week I’m reading Holy Ambition by author and pastor, Chip Ingram. Today, in chapter 6, I read this, “One of the most amazing things that I have discovered in the last twenty-five years as a pastor is how few people understand how God made them.”

I couldn’t agree more Chip. That’s why I’m passionate about teaching people about their personality.

WHAT IS PERSONALITY?

DOES PERSONALITY CHANGE?

Your personality will be seasoned though. That is part of what makes you different than all others who share your type. Your base layer (your God-given personality) will be influenced by the people and experiences in your formative years. The personalities of your parents and your siblings will have an impact on you, as will those of significant family members, coaches, and teachers. The places and experiences you are exposed to will flavor you-where you lived, the activities in which you participated, the teams that you joined. God works all these together to form the perfect you.

But don’t miss this: Consistency is an important element of authenticity. If you want to be your authentic self, you will want to speak and act basically the same no matter where you are or who you are with. Sure, it’s important to be aware of your surroundings and considerate of others, but if you are naturally serious at work, be your serious self at home. If you are instinctively silly with your kids, be silly with your church friends. If you are normally bold in the world, be bold in your marriage.

Don’t be sugar-coated with one group and salty with another. Be you, consistently.

OLD SELF V. NEW SELF

What about Christians? Does our personality change when we begin to follow Jesus?

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come” (2 Corinthians 5:17).

If you are a Christian, yes, you are a new creation.

But no, you are not given a new personality.

When God gets a hold of your personality, He will take all the potential He infused into you long ago and make you into what you’ve always been meant to be.

As Christian psychologist David Benner said in The Gift of Being Yourself,

HOW TO DISCOVER YOUR PERSONALITY

There are several ways to learn more about your authentic personality.

1. Take a DISC test.

The first thing I do with a new coaching client, is review their DISC report to learn more about their original design. This scientifically validated personality assessment, taken by more than 40 million people, was found to be 98-99% accurate and reliable in predicting DISC type in the workplace, although I’ve found it to be spot on in other environments as well.

I’ve used this test with men, women, teenagers, grandparents, SAHMs, career changers, executives, athletes—you name it. It’s a deeper dive into who you are.

2. Take the Your Authentic Personality Test.

This free test is a good place to start. Just click to download this test and let it shed light on your major and minor personality types.

3. Take the Mom Quiz .

In just a couple of minutes this fun 9 question quiz will tell you about your Authentic Mom Type, the personality you bring to your kids and your family, that you were meant to shine into their lives.

It’s fast, easy and remarkably insightful in determining your personality type.

4. Read What’s Your Mom Type?

This book is intended to help you see yourself the way God does, highlighting your unique strengths, leadership style, and distinctive reflection of God. It will help you understand your divine design so you can have ultimate impact in your family and in the world.

On a scale of 1-10, how well do you know and express your authentic personality?

In the next blog, we will look at the #2 Authenticity Essential, accepting and exposing your weaknesses. I hope you’ll join us.

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D: Dominance (Doer)

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